delga: (Default)

I wrote very, very little this past year, and what I did write was mostly drabbles. But I did get in a couple of crossovers and the like, so whatever. Year in review!

the fics. )


the break-down. )


--

The end. I wrote much less this year because of work and general lack of inspiration, but I'm not disappointed? I don't know. I thought the lower count would bother me, but it doesn't. It's been a success this year just to talk about the things that I enjoy in fandom, so any fic at all becomes an accomplishment.

delga: ([csi] the longest road.)

There's no way that I wrote as much this year as I did last year, but I probably posted more often because of the drabble comms. Plus: I ficbarfed all over Yuletide. (I'm sure you're all grateful for that image.) I don't really know how to organise this? I guess by fandom. I don't really know why I'm thinking this through in-post, but there you have it.

the fics. )


the break-down. )


--

With thanks, as ever, to everyone who left feedback or shook pompoms. Nothing would get written if it wasn't for you.

delga: ([Random] J'approve!)

I don't remember the order in which I watched these, so I'm going by air date. Likely y'all don't care but it matters to meeee.

Also, I watched a lot of them with The Sister this week which I think changes the way I see things. Mostly because she finds a lot of things funny, and it makes me more sympathetic to the kinds of joke that I would usually stomp all over.

--

re: Numb3rs. I didn't even finish last week's episode (5x03, Blowback), even though the first act looked good. I just. I think I'll wait for it to air on TV some time next year. Maybe time will make me more sympathetic to it? I don't know. It's a bad sign when you can't even watch the scenes with characters you don't actively dislike. And whilst Nikki Betancourt is fierce, I just don't care about her if she's been set up to be the fall guy, instead of a foil to Don & co. which is what she was originally described as being.

Farewell, show. Farewell, Don's Awful Hair.

--

True Blood, 1x07, Burning House of Love )


The Unit, 4x04, The Conduit )


Mad Men, 2x12, The Mountain King )


Californication, 2x04, The Raw and the Cooked )


Sarah Connor Chronicles, 2x06, The Tower is Tall, But the Fall is Short )


My Own Worst Enemy, 1x02, Hummingbird )


NCIS, 6x05, Nine Lives )


Pushing Daisies, 2x04, Frescorts )


Criminal Minds, 4x04, Paradise )


CSI: NY, 5x04, Sex, Lies and Silicone )


Private Practice, 2x03, Nothing to Talk About )


Grey's Anatomy, 5x05, There's No 'I' In Team )


Supernatural, 4x06, Yellow Fever )


Life, 2x06, Did You Feel That? (In which I talk in circles) )


I still haven't seen this week's Merlin (worked during the repeat on Sunday, and now I'm waiting for The Mother). Speaking of, it took The Mother a year to get into Northern Lights. A YEAR. Then, last week, she picked it up, finished it, finished The Subtle Knife and started The Amber Spyglass which she's quickly making a dent in. I am a little bit eye-roll-y about the whole thing, but also a little bit triumphant. I KNEW she'd like that damn series.

delga: ([numb3rs] something more I guess.)

I did have real things to update about, but I can't remember a single one of them. So instead: more fandom, huzz.

--

Life, 2x04, Not For Nothing )


Merlin, 1x04, The Poisoned Chalice (+ comment on 1x05) )


Numb3rs, 5x02, The Decoy Effect )

delga: ([numb3rs] the girl worries.)

edit (27July08). Denz pointed out to me that that I should probably put a note up here about [livejournal.com profile] metafandom. In short: no, thanks.

--

Fuck me, I didn't want to get into this, especially not tonight, but after this post I feel like I should stick to my guns and say what I mean.

So I read a fic, and I made a comment that basically said that I felt that choosing to kill a female character off in lieu of actual plot was poor form, and I'm still being vague because at the end of the day (a) the implications of the fic were unintentional and (b) I do have a lot of respect for the author, their talents and their love for the fandom.

But. But I'm calling people out. If there is an avenue open for feedback, then, yes, fanfic writers, I am going to use it. No, I'm not innocent of this bullshit myself - I know that; I've copped to that; I hold myself as accountable as the next person.

Feel free to leave comments here, or to email me about what you think about fandom's attitudes to women: delgaserasca @gmail .com. And if you know which fic I'm talking about, all the better. If you disagree with me, all the better. I'm open to hearing about what you think. I would rather have an intelligent conversation with you about why you think it's okay than just sit here and not say anything. Because I hate this. I hate that what pushed me out of a fandom that I adored was an inability for that fandom to respect all of its members. And just because it's unconscious doesn't mean that it's okay! To me the biggest issues we face in terms of sexism, racism and homophobia today are the ones that are silent - the ones that people don't notice, the ones that they're unconscious of, and I honestly believe that it's better to start talking about this stuff - that it's better to step on a few toes and say something - than it is to let it go on in quiet. No harm was meant by the fic that I read this evening, but harm was felt. It is not okay.

And by the by, as much as I enjoyed Dr Horrible (and I really, truly did), I felt the ending to that was bad form, too. Fuck me, I said it.

--

edit: [livejournal.com profile] emmademarais has graciously opened her fic up for discussion. You can find the series, Seven Deadly Sins, here.

delga: ([numb3rs] little broken.)

I still love this episode (3x01, Spree). I don't know what it is about it. I mean. I have a lot of issues with Numb3rs as a show, and a lot of them turn up in Two Daughters (the shame of it being that ultimately, I love that episode, too). But there's that exposition scene that I just adore - the kind of scene that Numb3rs doesn't produce any more. It's so smooth. The camera barely moves for the first third of the scene, adjusting as each team member comes into shot. The shot is continuous; there's such unity there. Even when the shot is broken, each new shot is brought in by a hand or a gesture. Then the group separates with Megan at the front of the war room, and the men grouped closer to the camera. Sure, Megan's monologue there is the focus, it's the point. But she's also separated by her understanding of Crystal Hoyle. Then she comes back to the group, takes a seat, and the group reforms. It's a beautiful scene to me. And Megan's dialogue— look, forget that it's Megan who is speaking; forget that her Issues play into this. Because the dialogue is so well-pitched, and the scene is so well-paced, that it doesn't really matter that Megan has Issues that are about to be exploited. This scene isn't at all about that. It's about the case coming together. It's so coherent. (And it's a tease, too, because the subtlety of some of the interactions - the way Ian's eyes follow Megan around the room; the way the men interact - are telling you more than the dialogue alone.) I fucking love this scene.

--

Hiatus II kills me. Just. I mean, yes, the scene with Ziva and Jethro, forever will I be torturing myself with that one spoiler! )

but also Jethro, and all his anger. "Is everyone up there as stupid as you?"

I confess: I WEEPED. I can't help it. When all he wants is his wife and child? Oh boy.

--

I'm too tired to talk about the things that annoyed me today. I'm sure I'll have time tomorrow when the house is flooded with The Sister's friends (oiskie).

delga: ([numb3rs] and I find joy too.)

This started off as a note to self? I have no fucking idea.

--

Warning: this post is really quite self-indulgent about my writing; it is also rambly, and not very well articulated towards the end. Additionally, it is long (but I hope you'll persevere anyway) and it might provoke a strong reaction in you. On the other hand, you may not give a damn and carry on as usual. Who knows? It's been a long time since I've tackled this topic, and I don't think I've ever done it in this way. I think my point dissolves towards the end. You decide.

--

So, I decided that it was time to write some triumphant fic for the women of Numb3rs. I tried to do it before with Amita (so good they named it twice: i, not for lack of trying) but because of the nature of the fic, I don't know. I kind of co-opted her (supposed) dependency on Charlie and threw it onto Colby. Not the first time I've done that, either (see: asymptote and p.s. you left him). I like putting Amita in New York City. NY!Amita is ballsy in a different way, much less sympathetic. But NY!Amita is not Amita, she's an illusion. So I figured if I wanted to write Amita in a good light, I had to maintain her sympathy and not make her into something whiny, or malformed, or maligned (see: objects in space; no-one's going quietly). To be fair to myself, I've had some success in making the character more positive, though mostly through drabbles. I liked the way here comes the sun turned out because it was so much more about her joy than her resistance; some of the worst outings have been the drabbles (going for the easy plot) and especially a couple of the femslash ones (making the mistake of not equalising these strong, wonderful women). So. I don't know. I feel like for the most part, I've failed.

A few months ago I started writing mothertongue which was a sentimental look at Amita's life with her parents vs. her life with Charlie. issues with Amita and canon; some reasonable fanon assumptions about the character. )


Amita and Charlie. )


How Amita is presented in fandom & how that stems from canon. Also, some facts we have to come to terms with re: the establishment of canon before we get overly defensive over the characterisations. )


With that in mind: I still call bullshit. )


Which is not to say that I'm not part of the problem. )


the fandom's treatment of Amita. )


To conclude, yo. I can make allowances for the way fandoms exist and organise themselves, but that doesn't mean that I don't feel sore when I read this stuff. )


--

I really hope that someone read that all the way through, heh. And if anyone knows the fic that I was talking about, I'd like some help in locating it. fic summary. )

Any takers?

delga: ([numb3rs] countdown.)

So, LoudTwitter is down, or you'd know that I finally got around to watching the last few episodes of Numb3rs, season 4. I liked the episodes, which was surprising considering my reluctance to watch them. That's not to say that the show didn't continue its personal roads of Stupid (Amita's parents, whatever that was; David's story lines; Charlie in the finale - I have No Sympathy for him). It does mean, though, that the show's formulae (heh) has some bonuses. I'm watching the David and Colby Show at this point, because that dynamic is wonderful. They've tied up Megan's story, Don and Robin are back at it, Liz is kicking ass. So. I don't know. Back in Autumn, I suppose.

Which is also not to say that I have any real desire to log back into all those comms I dropped, but who knows. It's not like I've written real fic this year and Numb3rs is weirdly easy to contend with, even when I'm not as in tune with the canon as I used to be.

Ugh, guys! I don't know. I think I need to finish watching season 3 of The Wire already.

delga: ([numb3rs] study group.)

I know I only got up two hours ago, but this picture of Diane Farr playing with Beckett is the best thing I've seen all day. Aw.

Man, I am SO BEHIND on Numb3rs. I haven't watched the last 3/4 episodes, possibly more. I'm going to marathon it post-essay deadline, and if I'm not feeling it, I'm not sure I'll stick around for the next season. We'll see. (Saying that, I said the exact same thing for NCIS once upon a time, dropped it, and came back to it when S4 started and am now full-on obsessed, so who the fuck knows?)

--

Possibly I'm going to venture into town shortly. Possibly.

delga: ([Random] head-first into the water.)

the fics. )


break-down. )


With thanks to my betas, and to the people who regularly read and leave feedback. You are all very kindly people, and I appreciate having you all to talk to.

delga: ([SGA] is this the real world?)

So, I left Soton at around 2pm on Thursday and was doing fine until I got fucked by the connect at Reading and thus didn't get to N. for forever. Had a nice evening with my cousins, then left for P. around 11am on Friday. The tubes tripped me up (everything was working on time except for the Victoria, which, naturally, was the line I needed) so I had to take the slow line home.

Anyway, I've been at home since Friday afternoon. Went to see Baby Cousin, spent my weekend in the house (into which I do not fit all that comfortably, as is ever the case when I return after a long absence).

--

I have many picspams to upload. Most are notable fashion photo shoots, but one is of Fake!Christmas. So. What lovely things you all have to look forward to.

--

I'm still in love with NCIS and have watched three episodes since I've been home. (Am still writing that NCIS/Spooks crossover, huzz.) Also: The West Wing. In terms of current fandom, I spent a lot of time yesterday watching Pushing Daisies, Criminal Minds, and CSI: NY, all of which were rewarding in their own ways.

--

I spent today marathoning season 4 of Stargate: Atlantis. This was wonderful for a handful of reasons, not least of which is the fact that Sundays, traditionally, are Stargate days, and it's been a while since I've had a Stargate Sunday. I'd seen the first three episodes of the season when they aired, but my interest thereafter had been low. But watching them all one after the other has been quite good. I have many comments. Beware spoilers!

Stargate: Atlantis, spoilers 4x01-4x10. )


And now I want fanfiction.

--

I also watched Numb3rs yesterday and realised that I can't dislike it that much because I felt calm and interested when the episode opened up. I really like David showcases because I think David deserves a lot more screen time, and this was an excellent plot, one which had nothing to do with David's ethnic origin, or his Bronx upbringing, and everything to do with his competence as an agent. It was also an uncomplicated plot that was executed in an interesting way. My sole complaint is against Charlie, whose ego needs to be locked up in a Chinese box of its own. minor spoilers. )

Alimi Ballard kicked ass this week.

delga: ([numb3rs] little broken.)

There's not a lot that I want to say about this week's Numb3rs (4x08, Tabu) other than: wait, that's Don's place? I thought he lived in a box? Seriously, I've been thinking that's Liz's place.

Also: I'm disliking this cast rotation thing; since last week, Amita is now an ubergeek; I liked seeing Megan that way, especially when she pulled her head out of her ass.

Actually, re: Megan, whilst I am having a love-hate affair with TV's need to give our ballsy women Daddy Complexes (Hi, Dani Reese, yes, I'm talking to you, but I do think yours is more nuanced), I also think that facet of her personality could be played with in a less ridiculous manner. Like, they almost got it right at the end of the episode.

Whoever was directing this week gets kudos; some of the episode was gorgeous.

OK, I lied. I apparently had more to say.

--

UGH. Am updating this via ljgate.com because my port is randomly blocking LJ. HOW SIGHSOME.

On top of that, today will be spent writing fiction for my Experiments in Writing class. It's due tomorrow. I don't know what I'm going to do. I was considering tweaking No More Roads, but then I dropped that idea because a lot of that implies knowledge of canon, and also, I really shouldn't cheat on an assignment. So, yeah, I'll be word-associating and developing metonymic chains all day today.

--

I'm going to have to share some Lior. He's too amazing.

delga: ([life] it's just a dream.)

I have no shame. Fics I wish people would write:


  1. Numb3rs - Amita. AMITA. I wish I could find a fic where Amita is happy, balancing her Asian side with her American side, and totally rocking her field of academic expertise. Charlie doesn't need to be there, but fuck, I'd just like more Amita fic that is about her. (As an addendum: I wish I could finish my Amita fic but I fucked that up. So.)
  2. Criminal Minds - Hotch/Prentiss, superfuturefic, wherein Emily has long since left the BAU, and Hotch doesn't really know what to make of her. It would be delightful to begin with, Emily would be unfortunately less dorky, but it would start of pleasantly and sophisticated, and end up angsty-messy. Alternatively: JJ/Emily femslash, but I do actually spend a lot of time hypothesising this relationship so that's not so much of a need.
  3. NCIS - more Ziva fic. GEN fic. Not femslash, of which there is an abundance, or het, though I don't think I've seen any of that around. I want Ziva fic. The kind of fic that deals with her and Ari, or her and America, or her in the future, maybe having to go back to Mossad, or maybe past!fic from when she was an assassin.
  4. NCIS/Spooks - Ziva and Ros, the former when she was still an assassin, the latter being generally fabulous. Alternatively: Ziva and Zaf, because Zaf would charm the hell out of her, and she'd push his buttons.
  5. Friday Night Lights - in which Coach and Mrs Coach meet, and possibly Coach is an asshole, but Mrs Coach is Horrifically Awesome.
  6. Numb3rs - future!fic, in which Megan has her own team, and no more demons. And possibly Colby comes to visit her and they talk about how Larry got married to some linguist, and this makes them all very happy. And Colby is also married, but Megan isn't, and it's not a problem. And maybe Don is dead because he got things wrong, but that's what makes them all so strong.
  7. Saving Grace - Ham and Butch both love Grace, but she eventually finds God, sends Ham back to his wife (which is messy and sad), sends Ham to someone else, and eventually gets together with a ranch hand named Billy who's old and tired, just like Grace. She's still all fire, of course, but she's finding it easier to breathe now, and she's not repeating her old mistakes. Ham doesn't talk to her anymore, but Butch calls every now and then, and the four of them (Butch, Grace, Billy and Butch's Woman) eat dinner together. Butch still looks at her sometimes like he remembers her, but mostly they let one another be.
  8. Little Miss Sunshine - Olive is a teenager now, and she resents a lot of things about those fucking beauty contests (they remind me of her grandfather, and he was fucked up, wasn't he? But she misses him, too). Dwayne is an adult, and he's still not flying planes, but he's come to accept the life he has, and he helps Olive when she has a crisis of faith.

--

Dear Ripway, wtf is going on?

--

KENDALL PAYNE. YOU ARE SO AWESOME.

delga: ([numb3rs] something more I guess.)

So, I'm here, on campus. Went to sleep before midnight last night which made getting up a lot easier - not that I didn't love the Empire Records soundtrack before but I keep waking up to different parts of it and having a new-found appreciation for the more obscure stuff. (Still: wish it had Flying Lizards's Money (That's What I Want) on it.)

Anyway, as I was saying, I made it to my 9am double, and next is my Experiments in Writing lecture which I will attend. The thing that I don't want to go to is my 4pm double seminar, but I was at the lecture this morning so I pretty much have to be there. Those two hours at the end of the day drag, and it's dark by the time that I get out. (My real issue, actually, is having to go to my Experiments in Writing seminar tomorrow, but considering that I only have two days of classes per week, I really need to get over myself already.)

--

So, here's the thing about Don's arc in Numb3rs. Whilst I'm a little bored of all his relationship woes being part and parcel of his working circumstance, I also sort of get his epic man-pain, and I also get his reluctance to share that stuff. And sure, he probably shouldn't have been dealing with spoilers. )

So, basically, I feel like I side with him on this one.

By the way, continued spoilers. )


That was not really as coherent as I was hoping it would be. Oh well.

--

I'm going to go down and find a comfy chair in which to sit and read. Huzzah.

delga: ([numb3rs] and I find joy too.)

I'm watching last week's Numb3rs (4x05, Robin Hood) and I'm only part-through but the Amita(/Charlie) plotline would have helped massively if I'd watched the episode last week. SIGH. Except now it will help with the other Amita fic I'm writing (the first attempt for [livejournal.com profile] numb3rswom3n. I feel a little weird writing it because we've gotten a couple of mixed messages from Amita's storyline: season 1 she had that 'arranged husband' back in India, but season 2 she had distanced herself from the culture. These two things aren't incompatible but there is a small area in which they don't quite fit together. Unless— okay, unless she doesn't speak to her family a lot? But she lives close enough to her family that she can visit her traditional grandmother. My question re: her parents is: were they visiting India or were they coming to visit Amita? (Amita's family's characterisation is like that of a girl whose family is from Northern India, but season 2 implied that her family speaks Tamil which seems a little incompatible? Maybe? Although - actually, it depends on her family's class/caste status, and she said that her family comes from a village, so no, that does make more sense.)

Anyway, back to the episode.

delga: (Default)

Note to self: if you want to be a happier person, don't go looking for old-school West Wing and/or Sports Night fanfiction. You know better than that.

--

So, I'm still thinking about the [livejournal.com profile] numb3rswom3n fic that I'm writing, and I've decided - for a little part of it - to fuck the idea of factual cohesion. Not in a huge way, and this will make sense when I finally post the damn thing, but for the sake of making the thing readable and believable. I'm not sure people are going to notice the difference, but I figure, you know, there has to be a point where you sacrifice some of the Real-Life-ness of a fic in order to make it feel real.

I'm not making any sense, am I?

--

I know I talk about books a lot these days, especially the Myth series from Canongate, but seriously, guys, is there anything better than mythology? We're always creating it anew, I think, but there's nothing like those first stories. Su Tong's Binu and The Great Wall isn't a myth that I know of, but it's that kind of folk story that tells you so much about a people, and so much about their lives without feeling didactic. I'm finding it very easy to read because as I said before, the narrative voice is that of telling stories, and I have always found that appealing. There is something timeless but childlike about myths, and the way that they're handed on these days. I think this is because myths are still part of the oral tradition of literature, and nowadays the only stories we tell this way - other than personal anecdotes, or narrative summaries - are children's stories: myths, legends, folktales. So these important stories always remind me of having stories told to me.

I told [livejournal.com profile] twincy a redacted version of the story of the birth of Ganesha, a Hindu myth that remains a part of our great tradition of faith; I'm not religious anymore but when I first came to university, my aunt gave me a little statue of Ganesha because his elephant's head represents wisdom, and because I was starting a new venture. I feel bad because I took the little idol home to D. and left it there with my parents. Religious iconography continues to make me uncomfortable, not because it offends me but because of the reverence I hold for it, despite not believing (it's the agnostic's fear, I suppose). But, anyway, there's another Ganesha story that tells you a lot about the nature of the relationship between parents and children in India, and in my family, and that's the story of the race around the universe. That link doesn't tell you the emphasis placed on how, for children, their parents are the whole world, and thus should be respected as such. It's an interesting story, and one that has always stayed with me because I resented its moral position when I was younger. Don't get me wrong, this isn't a story that is passed through the house, or the family. I'm fairly certain that the majority of my cousins, older and younger, have no idea about this fable. But when I was younger, my dad's sister used to send us these books - they were written in the style of comics - that had the ancient stories in them, and I read them and retained them the way that I read and retained other stories.

My favourite selections were the stories of Mirabhai's devotion to Sri Krishna, and Birbal's Fables (both of which are about real people), although I also had a copy of a text that told of the many incarnations of Vishnu. We also had a children's version of The Ramayan, the story of Rama and Sita, and the festival of Diwali. Except the children's book didn't have all the details which I now forget. I know that there was a king, that the king had three wives, and that from the three wives, four sons were born, but I don't remember the queens' names, or all of the sons' names, and I don't remember what started Rama's exile. The part that everyone remembers is that after Ravana's defeat at Rama's hands (with the help of Hanuman), Rama and Sita were allowed to return home, and people put lights on the street to guide them home. This is the history of the festival of lights, of Diwali, and like all things that belong to the world that I come from, I don't remember the details. It's a little embarrassing.

The Ramayan is an epic poem; related to that is The Mahabharata (Bharat is one of the ancient names for India itself), which I read a short translation of when I was a teenager, but I need to read it again because I have forgotten most of it. It contains within it a section that is very important, when Sri Krishna pauses on the battlefield to speak to Arjuna before a crucial war. The conversation does not take long, but is wise, and is actually very, very long. In itself it is an important text. This is the Bhagavad Gita, from which I know only one thing, which I often quote:

For certain is death for the born
And certain is birth for the dead;
Therefore over the inevitable
Thou shouldst not grieve.



And I really do believe in these things, much like I believe in the balance of all things. But I also believe that the universe is endless, and endlessly expanding into something beyond itself. Sometimes it's contradictory. And that's why I'm not religious.

--

There is a story that my grandmother used to tell me when I was very young; it is explicitly a children's story and the reason I know this is because there is a refrain in the narrative, the only part that I actually remember in the original Gujarati (so, I can't actually reproduce the narrative in Gujarati. I can only tell it again in English, which upsets me. I often ask my grandmother to tell me the story again but I forget the words, and my Gujarati is not as good as it could be). The refrain, when translated, goes, Old woman, I am going to eat you! Old woman, I am going to eat you! The story is reminiscent of Little Red Riding Hood, but really, now that I think about it, tells me a lot more about my culture than I originally realised. The story goes like this.

There was an old woman whose daughter had long since married and moved away to have her own family. She lived alone, and decided that she would travel to visit her daughter. So she set out to visit her daughter, and on the way, her path was barred by a hungry tiger. "Old woman, I am going to eat you!" said the tiger, but the old woman was unfazed.

"Tiger, I am old, and I am thin. Before you eat me, let me visit my daughter. There I will be well-fed and will grow fatter. Then, when I come home, you can eat me."

The tiger considers this proposition, and, finding it agreeable, lets the woman go. She leaves, visits her daughter, and does indeed relax, eat, and put on weight. A fortnight later, she makes the return journey, and is again accosted by the tiger.

"Old woman, I am going to eat you!"

Again, the woman is unfazed. She asks the tiger to let her wash, and make herself clean for consumption. The tiger, who is getting impatient, considers this, and lets her go, but follows her back to the house. In the house, the old woman takes her time, putting together a tray of spices. The tiger becomes more and more impatient. "Old woman, I am going to eat you!" But the woman has locked herself in her house. "Old woman, I am going to eat you!" The tiger launches himself at her door, knocking it down, and turns to pounce on the old woman. But the old woman is wise, and full of cunning, and she flings the spices at the tiger who, mad and blinded, howls in pain. Unable to see, he is unable to attack, and the old woman beats him into submission.

A lot happens in this story. For one, there are two refrains in the telling - first, that of the tiger's ominous words, and secondly, that of the old woman's activities (let me go to my daughter's house, and get fat; the phrasing in Gujarati is delightful. Jadi-padi is akin to roly-poly, and has this rhythm to it that is wonderful, especially because in Gujarati, that 'd' is much more like a 'r' sound). [edit (21.26): Was talking to The Dad; the phrase is actually taji-maji, and works along the same lines as jadi-padi. Jadi means fat (girl), so that's what I remembered the sound as. Obviously, I was wrong.] This is definitely a story for children, the telling makes that obvious. But it's also a story about how life happens in the gam (village) in India - the old woman is obviously widowed, she walks everywhere, and when your daughters are married off, if you have no sons, you have no-one to support you. This old woman was wise, and cunning, and able to fend off the tiger's attack; but the story tells of her going to her daughter's house, of being welcomed there, and well cared for, not only because children always have a responsibility to their elders, but because - or so I assume - this woman is from one of the middle castes, one who doesn't have to relinquish her daughter completely. This is a story that I will always love.

--

My grandmother also used to sing me a song when I used to take baths. In English it goes we bathe in the Ganges and it tells the story of a man on his religious pilgrim to the holy waters. In India, all water really does return from whence it came, and when you die, your ashes are tipped into the rivers leading you home, back to the sea.

--

If you are wondering why I am thinking about this right now, it is because (a) I'm considering mythology and (b) it is Diwali soon, and I have been thinking a lot about my family, specifically how our culture merges with our religion, or, rather, how it doesn't. When you are young, you are raised as a Hindu, but when you get older, when you forget these things, you only see the rites, not the meaning. My grandmother, as a widow, does not eat meat. During the month of Shravana, she fasts. (Incidentally, in the lunar calendar, my birthday falls on the last day of Shravana; this is why my grandmother always remembers my birthday). During weddings, you walk seven times around the agni, the fire. I know why, but I don't know how it relates to the fasting, or to all these stories that I know. I feel like the two are such varied and different things; like Catherine McKenna in Grace Notes, who believes in the rhythm and pattern of Catholicism, but not the god.

--

I am not Amita who tried to shake off her skin; I believe in a besting of both worlds. But sometimes I think I give up too much. I am not the same as my cousins, I'm not interested in the things that urban British Asians are interested in. But sometimes I think I believe in more than what they believe, and also less, because I am so far away.

delga: ([torchwood] breathe in deep.)

So, I started writing my entry for [livejournal.com profile] numb3rswom3n. Again. But this idea seems to be sticking, and it looks like this one might end up being long. I don't know; I'm trying to curb my inner angst-whore. Just see where it takes me, I guess. Relatedly, Numb3rs flisters, I don't like asking but I'll make an exception this time - if you have a chance, please to be reading the [livejournal.com profile] numb3rswriteoff entries? The latest round is Edgerton-based, so you might find something there that you like.

--

Spent the day at the library yesterday, got all this week's set reading done, and started reading Su Tong's Binu and The Great Wall. So far so good. I don't know if it's because the text is a translation, but the tone is so appropriate for a story. And, you know, mythology these days seems to take the role of storytelling for the sake of it. I love it.

I'm going to settle in for an afternoon of crime dramas today, but tomorrow I have to write a piece for Experimental Writing, and go over my (failed) dissertation proposal before I go to see my supervisor on Tuesday. Aie.

--

I also re-coded all of Hard Liquor. My eyes HURT. A LOT.

--

Have spent the morning listening to M.I.A. and Paolo Nutini. HUZZAH.

delga: ([numb3rs] little broken.)

FIC GOT WRIT. Or something. I'm totally going to bed now. (Super productive evening: one set of poems read, ironing done, email to dissertation supervisor sent and fic written, coded and posted. Huzz!)

No, REALLY. Sleep now.

--

Tomorrow will, unfortunately, be spent in the library.

delga: ([numb3rs] and I find joy too.)

GUYS! The girls at [livejournal.com profile] numb3rswom3n are a RIOT! For ONE, everyone is SUPER NICE and loves EVERYONE and no-one (that I can see) CHARACTER BASHES. SO REFRESHING! For ANOTHER, [livejournal.com profile] leda_speaks reminded us we have a DEADLINE in a WEEK and a handful of us went "...OH SHIT." A HANDFUL! WOE-ING TOGETHER!

(No, seriously, it's hilarious. It was like, writing! Oh yeah! That thing what I said I'd do! HAHAHAHA I FAIL! WE FAIL! COLLECTIVELY!)

So nice.

edit: GOD. My Amita icon is SO WOEFUL. THUS: HAVE MY NON-WOEFUL AMITA ICON. (It's likely a bad sign when my own gratuitous use of capital letters is causing me a headache. I don't even know why I do that.)

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