{ it's time to clear up your emotional debris. }

[delga]

Let's talk OTP. Actually, it's hard for me to talk OTP because I can get behind nearly every ship in existence. Nearly. I don't know why this is. It's probably because I'm easy, but also because I read as much fic as I can get through and I'd rather not be impaired in that process by a lack of access. I read more het and gen than slash of any variety although this is something I only notice after the fact. I also don't really know why that is because I'm all for (f/)slash fic. Hmm. But anyway. My OTPs.

inside cut tag. CJ/Toby, Mac/Stella, Grissom/Sara, Dan/Casey, Megan Donner/Stella Bonasera, Don/Cooper, Sheppard/Weir, Abby/Kerry, Bobby/Alex, Larry/Megan. also featured: Without a Trace, SVU.

one. CJ Cregg/Toby Ziegler; The West Wing. My first OTP and pretty much the one that all my others get compared to. There is a wealth of fabulous West Wing fanfic out there, and (in my opinion) the best of it revolves around CJ (and/or Toby). Toby is balding; he's the writer who is always grasping. He has all these ideas and these beliefs, and he gets caught up in the minutiae, stuck in the half-lines. CJ is a believer, too, she's believing so hard that she doesn't always love the way the real world works. She sees in Toby all the things she believes to be true and right, and he sees in her someone who can understand him, even without words. They fucking hurt as a couple, by the way, and the reason is that they have all this history (most of which is fanon but whatever, I love it) that they can't reconcile with. There's a fanon image of Toby writing letters and postcards, and marrying Andi and failing at what he loves; and CJ and her boyfriends, and her martinis, and her many, many jobs. And sometimes they can make it work, and mostly they can't, and through everything, they're tired with not being able to move anywhere with this relationship which makes for a lot of tension building up in stasis.

Um. This is only up to the end of season 3, maybe season 4, by the way. After then, the best of fandom stepped away. Sure, they paid attention just to see what would happen, but I think the magic of the pairing lasted in what came before, what could come after and all the magic of belief that Sorkin brought to the show. Andi, too, is really important, and her being peripheral, then not, that was pretty damn important, too.

Also: fuck Josh/Donna (sorry!): this is subtext at its best. Words without words. This was the stuff of fanfic, not what ended up being spoon-fed. (I was a lover of the Josh/Donna/it-didn't-work-out fic. This is because I apparently can't enjoy fic unless it's swimming in angst). This brings me to the next in my list...

two. Mac Taylor/Stella Bonasera; CSI: New York. When I first came to this show (and I have always loved this show, through and through; I don't even know why) I called Mac/Stella the CJ/Toby of NY. Apparently that image stuck with me. I have beta'd a shitload of fluffy/happy fic for this pairing but I can't write it because it does not feel right at all to me. My Mac and Stella never get it right, and never really know how, and end up taking the middle road. So if Mac is sleeping with Aiden, or Lindsay, or Danny, or Flack, it doesn't matter to me. My OTP stands. Because that's how they are. The fidelity is superficial. Actually, that's a lie. The fidelity surpasses the usual semantics and exists above and beyond whoever is in the bed.

Mac came back from a war, he had a wife and this life that was so important to him and he lost it. Stella doesn't know where she's from, doesn't have a fucking clue where she's going to. Lastly, they're just there. They don't really know how to disentangle from one another. Mac thinks he could, but really, he can't; Stella thinks she can't when she's most likely to be able to get up and just leave. But they don't. They stand there, and they tolerate their lives like background noise and every once in a while - once in a blue moon, if you will - something will happen, something that is just catastrophic enough to push them over that boundary of "just friends", that wall they work fucking hard to keep tall. And then it's endgame; reset; rinse and repeat.

three. Gil Grissom/Sara Sidle; CSI. Whilst I'm on CSI... okay, I'm really, really weird. I didn't want them to be canon. I thought the ship was a lot more interesting when it was in S2. (That is not to say I wasn't intensely pleased over the finale but let's notgothere!) The Grissom I know doesn't quite know how to communicate properly but he still has a fucking sense of humour. My Sara still smokes, though she's been trying to quit for god knows how long. My Grissom has been dating another woman for a while now, and he gives lectures, and he's a little tired by the lack of interest in the people around him; my Grissom is not yet zen, you see. My Sara wants out of her house, out of her life, out of her stupid little town. She's clumsy, not good in society - she makes the wrong comments - and she catches Gil's attention just when he didn't think there were people like her left in the world. He's intrigued; she's shy, with one hell of a teacher-crush. It's not love, or even lust; it's the type of fascination you have with an idol who you can recognise as being almost human. But he leaves, and she leaves, and one day he gives her a phone call because he needs someone he can trust.

I don't know. I like her flirting, uncontrollably, and the idea that he indulges her up until the moment where he figures out it's not quite harmless. I also like the way he's not always sure. He's not sure if she's actually flirting, or if that's just the way girls like Sara are; he's not sure if he actually likes her, or if that's just the way he's supposed to respond to someone taking an active interest in his work. I absolutely love Sara's inability to control her anger at all the little things in the background, and the way that her responses make him wary, enough to back away. They're just not sure, and it's kinda cool that they're both that way. I think they'd be able to make it work if (a) Sara left for a while and (b) she returned, like, five to eight years later with a bit more age, and a bit more experience, yet still - heh - not quite sure.

four. Casey Macoll/Danny Rydell; Sports Night. Oh, could I be anymore obvious with my slash pairing? (I could have chosen Danny/Martin, but I can't call that an OTP because I didn't watch that show for the people - well, unless it was Danny, seul, or Vivian who deserved her own fucking show as far as I was concerned; also, I can't explain my Martin/Danny love, except that it probably springs from a hatred of Sam and Jack, together and/or apart, except when they featured in fanfic by exceptional fanfic writers. Ahem). Anyway, the pairing I love most for this show is Natalie/Jeremy but the fluff fic would make me gag; the pairing I love next is Dana/Casey, and how that would never ever work. The pairing I find most intriguing is Dana/Danny and how fucking interesting those two are. My femslash pairing is also so obvious, but I've only ever seen one fic that I liked, and anyway, I like those two as friends. Casey and Danny are not the most intriguing pairing, or the most subtle, or even the most likeable. And I fucking love them for it.

I love Casey and Danny as friends, and I love reading fic where they're just that. But come on. Casey? Was married to a woman he was emotionally abused by, is in and out of a relationship with a woman who could have been the woman he married (and can abuse him that way too; just think about the whole fucking six-month dating plan of utter crap - not that Dana isn't adorable, because she is and she completely breaks my heart in Quo Vadimus). Danny? Has more inner-fucked-up-ness than you can shake five sticks at, seriously. And they're friends. Casey dropped a single anchorage for Danny, Danny one day will have to stop being glued to Casey's side. Casey gets mad over Dana, his ex, his son and always, always Danny. Danny gets mad over Rebecca, his therapist, his life and Casey - always Casey. Casey doesn't need Danny that much, but he really does because he doesn't know how to live life otherwise. Danny's been so busy living life that he's been hidden behind this mask for almost ever, and Casey is the one who has always been there. And that's the crux of this pairing, folks - they have always been there. Their history is full of this co-dependent linguistics, founded on the fact that they have ridden out the storm together. One day they're be old men, and they'll have all these stories, and maybe Dan will end up in LA and Casey will stay in New York, but one will pick up the phone and the other will be there, and fuck it - they'll probably fight, and be angry, and be real. But it's part and parcel, and there's so much there to work with.

>> At this point I've been considering the femslash that I read, the femslash that I look for and the femslash that I write. My femslash OTP? So obscure that I am the only who who writes it. In fact, the only straight (hahaha) femslash I've ever written is that Atlantis fic I wrote a month ago. Oh, and that one Numb3rs fic. All the others that I've written are either obscure crossovers or, heh, with Tja. And Tja is not a canon character. Heh.
So fuck it. I'll write about my femslash OTP in the hope that someone else thinks it's a not-bad idea and joins in with me.

five. Megan Donner/Stella Bonasera; CSI: M/CSI: NY. I know. No, really, I know. But this pairing is sprung of two things: firstly, the Miami fandom is dull (well, other than that exceptionally delicious Horatio/Calleigh fic I once read). I only read fluffy H/C fics in that fandom, and that one random one about Speed that I hated. Secondly, I couldn't get my head around Aiden as a lesbian.

I have this theory where Megan and Horatio once had an affair which led to his original divorce, and her eternal guilt. Anyway, when she leaves Miami, she goes to Mexico for, like, three months, trying to live this Other Life and fails at doing that because she's a CSI! She taught Speedle to Believe! She can't back away from her Vocation! &c. &c. and anyway, she ends up in New York City because it's as far away from Florida without being California. Anyway. !!! Megan ends up working for Brooklyn CSI (because in my fandom, Mac & co. only work Manhattan. My fandom = closer to reality, fucking hell) and Stella is obviously still with Manhattan CSI and they fit because Stella is going through a phase of being so perfectly out-of-sync with life (not to mention being stuck on one of those binge periods she has when if she ever sees Mac Taylor's face ever again, she might scratch it off with her fucking nails) and Megan just wants her life to stop spinning and being so wretched that she can't even take a breath.

Megan falls for Stella, in my fandom, and Stella uses Megan because this is What Stella Does (fanon case in point: Stella sleeps with Hawkes). Do not even ask why my brain works this way because I can tell you that there is no reasonable or kindly answer to that question. Anyway, the way this little pairing goes is: Stella uses & abuses, and Megan sits there and she takes it, not because she is weak, but because this is a pattern to her, something that feels vaguely familiar - as familiar as Horatio Caine, that bastard, and that one incident in the evidence room that they have never spoken of again.

Sigh. Random point of maybe-interest; the weekend Stella meets Megan is the weekend Mac meets Jethro Gibbs (in a non-slashy way)... if anyone cares.

six. Don Eppes/Billy Cooper; Numb3rs. At this point I'm tired enough to just say: read everything raeyashi has written concerning this pairing and then tell me you don't love it too. But! Alas, I have more to say. Because it's true, yes, raeyashi's fic pretty much owns this corner of the fic market and with good reason. Her fic epitomises what this pairing is about. Firstly, these are men. Secondly, they are men with guns riding out the longest road trip ever, and things happen on road trips which is partly why there's such a fabulous fictional mythos to them. Eppes and Cooper are living a fucking road trip. Take the next right for my personal spin on the pairing, and why it's an OTP. Because it seriously is an OTP in a crazy-obsessive way which results in my not being able to pair Don Eppes up with anyone else ever. I'm not even kidding.

Cooper is what makes this pairing hot enough to burn. He's dirty, he's raw, he's physical and he brings the lust to this party. My obsession with the pairing comes down to Don, though, and not just any Don, but Don at this stage of his life. Not even Don at this age but Don right here, right now, on this damn road with Billy Cooper, right now*. Because Don at this stage of his life is so many things. He's brushing off the heavy burden of home - he is nothing like the man that he is in the show's pilot. He's still itching to get out and be a little angry at the world. All the things he's ever repressed as a child, he doesn't have to repress anymore. Billy gives him freedom enough to not have to do that. So Don's a bit reckless, he's a bit edgy and dangerous, and if he misses home, he never says it, barely thinks it. At first he's trying to be like Coop, and then they're there, the two of them, this two-man machine making notches in the tarmac and counting down the gas stations on the interstate. It's a zone, it's just them, and they're in each others' heads, and there is absolutely no space to breathe - barely time to think - and it is possibly the most intense experience of being alive that Don Eppes will ever have.

And he leaves it behind him. He does that because he comes from a somewhere and he has a somewhere to get to, whilst Coop will be fucking that road 'til kingdom come. Don is about evolution, and Coop is about living in the moment. As a pairing they're explosive because it's all me, me, me and now, now, now; but they hurt too, because it's never going to last, and as fans of the show we know this because Don is pussyfooting with the idea of two-point-four and a picket fence, and Cooper is still on that goddamned road.

* Note: Don is obviously delicious, and I'm not saying he doesn't add to this equation. And yet. Cooper is the one who is giving and taking; he's moving, and that's fucking hot.

seven. John Sheppard/Elizabeth Weir; Stargate: Atlantis. On the one hand, it's lonely at the top; on the other, desperate times lead to desperate measures. My favourite Atlantis fic is apocafic because there's no time to do or say things the way you're used to doing or saying them, so you're forced to cut the bullshit. Also, a post-apocalypse arena tests Elizabeth Weir about as far as it can, whilst leaving Sheppard in an uncertain position as to whether he's in charge or not. I also think Elizabeth likes everything in John that she can't have in herself - the freedom to say what he means (most of the time), the clear delineation of right versus wrong (in his mind, that is, not in general), risk-taking, hero-complex, expendability, oh, and I think that one breaks her because it's one thing losing your people but it's another sending your people out to be lost. (This is about the point where I should probably mention how Teyla and Elizabeth as a pairing makes so much fucking sense because they are essentially one another, and yet they're completely not one another. That's a ship that I think they could make work; J/S is not).

Because, because, because. She's in charge, and he's pretty much in charge, and she's physically attracted to him, sure, but he's a loose cannon. And yes, the city owes him; the city owns him, and he is going to die young, and she's not got enough time to waste it on something that probably wouldn't go past flesh. But it's tempting.

OK, enough of the verbose bullshit: I think the pairing works because there's no way it ever will. Hello angst-cakes. I mean, I itch for Elizabeth/Lorne fic, and Weir/Ronon fic turns me on something nasty, because that pairing is fucking hot, but... I don't know. The problem is that my yen for the pairing has relatively little to do with Sheppard. Or, rather, it has a disproportionate amount to do with Weir. It's more about can she, could she, would she, is it allowed, would it be satisfying, degrading, selfish? It's about would it still be worth pursuing after the intial bout of lust? Can she trust him enough that it wouldn't undermine the chain of command? Would she be able to maintain her position as the leader of the expedition? Would he lose respect for her?

On the other side, of course, I think Sheppard find her curiously intellectually stimulating and he still can't figure out why. He expects it from Rodney, but Elizabeth? Where is that coming from? Why is that beautiful? Elizabeth, for him, is a pretty safe option. I think there's less risk on his side, but that might just be me. I think he thinks about her, probably when he shouldn't, and he doesn't really know that he likes her. It's something subconscious; he notices her, he likes her enough but he doesn't quite-- and then it's the end of the world, and Atlantis is gone, and Elizabeth is rationing food supplies, and trying not to cry.

eight. Abby Lockhart/Kerry Weaver; ER. I was trying to think of other pairings because I know I have a lot, I just can't remember them all right now. So, to try and jog my memory, I'm flicking through my fic tags at tja_rama and I remember the femslash pairing to end all femslash pairings. No, not fucking Olivia/Alex (I hate that pairing with such a vengeance. I can't even explain why). Abby Lockhart and Kerry Weaver. Why? Because no one brought the angst as well as Lockhart, not now, not ever, and Kerry was ever tragically misunderstood. I actually see this pairing as being somewhat before and after - that is before Carter and after Sandy (whom I loved). Before, the pairing is angsty, angsty, and Abby has this mother who isn't, a brother she wants to protect, and an ex-husband who wouldn't pay for med-school, and all the while, everyday, like she hasn't got enough to deal with, there's Kerry Weaver, every fucking day. But Abby could have anyone she wants; she could have Luka, or Carter; she could take on Romano if they gave her a fucking chance. But there's Kerry Weaver. And Kerry's watching her, she's always watching her, and a lot of the time she's on someone's back, always fucking there.

All Kerry wants is a bit of attention, and Abby is fierce like nothing Kerry has ever seen before. And one day there's Abby's mother handing out baked goods, and there's Abby, so tired, so tired, running her hand through her hair and tugging tightly until her skin goes sore from the pressure, and Kerry is just there.

Then there's after, of course. There's after, because Kerry moves on and Abby grows up. Kerry gets a wife, a son; Abby gets a medical degree, holy shit, and a new lease on life, and hey, she's not drinking anymore, either. And all of a sudden, out of nowhere, Abby is safe, and kindly, and such a sweetheart, and Kerry is tired and lonely, but surviving and they're looking at each other like how'd the fuck did we end up here? Seriously, this pairing. I mean it.

nine. Bobby Goren/Alex Eames; Law & Order: Criminal Intent. Before we go any further, if anyone has written decent Eames/Barek or Logan/Barek fic, I am so there. Let me know.

Oh, where to begin? Well, at Goren, obviously, because he is the one that keeps this spinning. He has mommy issues and daddy issues, and there was that one woman who used to get inside his head and he couldn't get past it, ever, because she kept picking at all those scars. Goren is basically a composite of Freudian scars, and he's so awkward, and so right-on-the-periphery of normal human behaviour that he almost needs translating. He's talking in code most of the time, he's talking in silent linguistics - the turn of the hand, the nervous motion of the head. He forgets about communicating because that is irrelevant to him. He doesn't need to communicate; he needs to decipher. Alex is so fucking hands-on that Goren doesn't even need to talk in real sentences anymore, he just has to make sure Eames gets enough of the pieces to figure it out herself. because she's not stupid. This is not one of those stories where one character is bowled over by the other's genius. Alex is everyman, every woman, to an extent, because she's been-there-done-that, she thought Goren was off his head, too (thank you, canon, for confirming this; mwah)! What makes this pairing, if anything, is that Goren recognises that Alex is capable, that Alex could work things out as fast as he could with just the physical evidence. Alex is not an idiot, please, please, do not forget this. Goren probably forgets she's human at times, probably forgets she's a woman, but he loves her, even in a non-romantic sense, he loves her and he needs her. He's so used to her filling in the blanks for other people, he's so used to having her there to support him. Mostly he's used to her knowing him well enough to be a support. She's his partner, and she doesn't even have to try anymore. Eames is solid, dependable. She probably gets tired; there are times when he buys her danish, gets her a refill, tells her to go home, but she's there at his side, at his back and when Bobby is lost in all those emotions, those errant leftovers of his past and the people around him, Eames - practical, down-to-earth, capable Eames - is right there.

Yes, Goren/Nicole Wallace is sexy and enticing, and you know it's dangerous and lusty but Goren/Eames is not even close to that. It's above and beyond that. It's about knowing someone, not in pieces (which is how Goren and Nicole come to each other; like fragments, like two people who only exist as the things that make them the same - the daddy issues, the mommy issues; all of it, everything) but as a whole. Goren is huge, he's a presence, and Eames is so small, so pointed and deliberate, and they love each other, romantically or not. Goren would lose out if he lost Eames, and he knows it. In a scary way, Eames (almost) = mommy. I don't even want to think about that anymore.

(From the other side? Eames probably has those days when she wants to scream and stomp her feet and say, "Goddammit, Bobby, I am right here," like he could forget, maybe, that she was real and not just a co-option of his mind; that she was a woman, because he maybe feels uncertain, maybe unclean when he thinks of her that way, and well, that's just not on, Bobby; and maybe she walks away).

ten. Larry Fleinhardt/Megan Reeves; Numb3rs. I'm not completely heartless, really. Here's a couple that is made for one another. He is quirky, and has a love for knowing things. She is not what you'd expect, and doesn't see him as entirely hopeless. They're quiet; I love that about them. I can imagine them just being happy to sit next to each other and talk for hours on end, the way you'd want to talk to someone. Quietly, a little teasing on her side. And they're both so good-natured.

(Of course, the angstwhore in me wants to say Megan could cut and run at any moment, because there's baggage there that we've yet to see, and maybe she'll end up in the back of her SUV with Colby one day and then never be able to look Larry in the eye, but I won't actually commit to that because, it doesn't have to be that hard, does it?)

To conclude: agree/disagree? Want to write that femslash for me? What are your OTPs? Why? (Ten, btw, was a really difficult number to get to, even though I have a ton of fandoms. I just don't have an OTP in all of them, I guess). Next time on Meisha Needs To Talk Fandom At Some Ungodly Hour: OT3s, featuring cameos from OTPs.

Comments

[binglexjells.livejournal.com]

I adore this crazy little... thing you've spun, with Stella and Megan and Mac and Gibbs, and you know something? If this really happened? I might be convinced not to turn the TV off during CSI: Caruso. I might also explode with total and utter glee, because Mac and Gibbs in the same room? *fannish love*

[asemic.livejournal.com]

Don Eppes/Billy Cooper; Numb3rs

:flails and dies at your compliments:

They are entirely my OTP as well. Your words on the two of them should be written in stone for all other fans to read. Seriously, how you described Don is how I see him. He's a man living in an entirely man's world. At that point in time there is no one else for him to rely on but himself and that man that's sitting next to him, the man who has his back.

And sure, Billy's a man living in the moment but he still fucking cares about Don and what he has with him. Like Don will never be the same once he leaves, Billy will be changed by Don and what he leaves behind.

I also have to say that Goran and Eames, romantically or not, is one hell of a pairing. They work off of each other so well.

[delgaserasca.livejournal.com]

Billy will be changed by Don and what he leaves behind.
Yes! I completely agree. Watch me edit :) No, seriously though, it's like for however long they were together, it was just the two of them and that kind of intensity just can't be reproduced because they will never be those people again.

Goren and Eames, whether I read them as a romantic pairing or not (and that's fairly important, I think, because this is the one OTP where I could go either way on that score) have this brilliant balancing act that I love watching.

[muldy.livejournal.com]

*inserts opinion on John/Liz* *surprise*

The way I see it is that John has a LOT of respect for her, she's not the type of leader he's used to working with but damn how could you not have respect for that woman? She's stopped and listened to him and given him a chance to speak his own opinion...he's fucked up and she's been mad but she's forgiven him...and I seriously don't think he would ever 'make a move' on her because he just respects her too much.

On the other hand throw them into a life and death situation and he'll do absolutely anything to protect her and in fanon world he would even realise that he's probably been in love with her the whole time in some form or other.

*agrees with ur Elizabeth side of things* :P

*goes to write fic*

[delgaserasca.livejournal.com]

she's not the type of leader he's used to working with
Yes, I agree on that. And I agree with the rest of what you've said, just about. But I don't think he'd be moved to say or do anything, not just out of respect, but because I'm not entirely certain he's aware of a romantic entanglement. Like...he respects her, but he doesn't see past that, or he denies himself the opportunity to see beyond that. Whereas I think Elizabeth would be aware and would be asking questions, John runs forward until he hits a wall and has to change direction.

[melliyna.livejournal.com]

Re West Wing I'm finding it interesting that in the West Wing (for me anyway) I find myself just squeeing over the friendships more than anything else (although I do find Charlie/Zoe rather cute and CJ/Toby is something I love to read - although strangely enough I enjoy reading more about the potential than the reality. Of course I also like CJ/Danny. My brain is funny like that). My OTP in West Wing is actually *ashamed look* Jed/Abbey and other than it's the friendship *runs away to hide in a remote fastness in far eastern Albania*

[denorios.livejournal.com]

CJ/Toby...YES. I always liked Josh/Donna and I was pleased when that one worked out, however late in the day it was, but I would have loved a bit more CJ/Toby. I find it hard to explain why I love CJ/Toby - I think it's partly because there's always such a sadness there, makes it so poignant, I think.

[delgaserasca.livejournal.com]

I think it's partly because there's always such a sadness there
Yes, yes. That's exactly it, I think.

As for Josh/Donna, I'm not against it, lol, I was just saying that it was rather forced at times. Then again, I haven't seen past the end of S4. Josh & Donna comprise two-thirds of an OT3 that I love to read but more on that later.

[wliberation.livejournal.com]

*grin*

Sheppard/Liz. Oh. Yes. The thing about that pairing is that I don't see it going anywhere on screen - or, actually, I hope it won't go anywhere on screen because, well, on some level I resent explicit pairings in some shows and Atlantis is definitely one of those shows - but it works so well between the lines. And, hey, what you said.

Oh, oh. CJ/Toby. Oh my. I miss them. I remember, when I got into the fandom, I was a Josh/Donna shipper, yo. They were my fluff dealer or something of that sort. Certain satisfaction kind of way. But then, at some point, the line of vision shifted and there was CJ/Toby, and that was so much more, it was that last drop of whiskey that aches on the way down, and it was so fantastic, so delicate that it hurt. Oh, good times.

[delgaserasca.livejournal.com]

I hope it won't go anywhere on screen
Twinnage, yo. I am so much more a fan of the hints, the tension, and of restraint. And again, yes, hate on explicit pairings. (Which is sort of what I was saying with CSI but that fandom is fucked up in different ways to SGA).

and that was so much more, it was that last drop of whiskey that aches on the way down, and it was so fantastic, so delicate that it hurt. Oh, good times.
Hell yes. You have it exactly.