delga | { big post. biiiiig post. }

On Wednesday The Mother decided to take up my morning by getting me to sort out all the beds in the house. When I finally got that done The Dad's older brother, his wife and my grandmother arrived, so that instead of getting my clothes together, I was dealing with them. The Mother wanted to leave for Leicester fairly early but to this moment I still can't figure out why. There wasn't anything for her to do there. Suffice it to say, we left late anyway because she is ridiculous with schedules.

When we got to Aunt R's house we said our hellos and I basically got locked in a room with Aunt Ka, making flower wreathes for photographs of my cousin's dead grandparents and the various photos of gods that would be needed for the wedding pujas/ceremonies. Aunt Ka is a socially inept busybody for whom I have a lot of sympathy but increasingly decreasing patience. Anyway, Aunt R asked The Mother to stay so that she could wake early and help with the cooking on Thursday morning. I went with Aunt Ka to Aunt S' house to spend the night. (Aunt S is The Mother's youngest sister and I got to know her pretty well this week. She turned out to be lovely, which was a surprise). I inflated the sleeping bag and slept until 6am.

Thursday was the pithi and mehndi/henna night. In the morning, Aunt S and I got ready early, let Aunt Ka do whatever she needed to do and got my two cousin brothers ready for school. Then Aunt S helped me to put on my sari (aie, aie, aie; it was lolsome). I helped her sort out the boys' lunches and get her bangles together. I packed The Mother's clothes so that she could dress at Aunt R's.

We got to Aunt R's where Aunt Ku and The Mother were getting ready. More chaos as The Mother re-dresses me and takes a shower. Once we were all ready we went and sat at the back of the living room. The Brahman performed the rites and then my cousin's aunts and sister-in-law took over and did their part. The Mother and her sisters were also supposed to do a small part (a red bindi/chandla, and a bite of a sweet/mittai) and because Aunt S couldn't perform her part, I stood in for her. Then my cousin had to be completely covered in the yellow pithi mix, after which The Mother (lols) attacked her sister-in-law (Aunt C) with the stuff. There was a rather raucous and hilarious fight where The Mother and her sisters got Aunt C covered in the yellow stuff. I had some on my face, but managed to stay clean for the most part. After that we cleaned up and got everyone tea and food.

We headed back to Aunt S' to pick up the boys (who'd been at school) and to get dressed into more comfortable clothes. The evening was great because it was basically a sit down where we all ate and drank and talked. My cousin had hired a girl to come and do henna designs for people so I got both my palms done. My Uncle has taken pictures so I'll post them when I have them. It was a really great night - I got to hang out with my cousins and met the bride's sister's boyfriend.

I decided I wanted to keep the henna on overnight, so I covered my hands with plastic bags and slept like that. Ha, ridonkulous, of course, because I woke up with some of the design smudged and loads of dry henna in my sleeping bag, aie.

Friday morning was okay because we didn't have to get up early (the bride's mother's side of the family isn't needed for the penar). I got some sleep, got changed into my jeans, had breakfast and got the clothes together for the Santak which was in the early afternoon. As ever, getting dressed was a pain in the arse, but apparently the penar had started really late that morning so we didn't have to rush too much.

The Santak involved a lot of standing/sitting around but I realised that it's actually one of my favourite parts of the wedding. Firstly the bride's family invites and welcomes her father's side of the family into the house for the wedding celebrations. Then, together, they invite the bride's mother's side of the family. Everyone is hugged individually, and welcomed with a red tika spot. The bride's mother's side of the family is fairly important because in Indian tradition the maternal uncle gives the bride away. The bride's mother's side of the family bring gifts for the family - clothes and jewellery for the family. It's a joyful occasion, and wonderfully intimate because of all the hugging and the gifts. My Uncle and Aunt (P & C) dressed up especially for the gift-giving (the mossar[u]) - they wore wonderful blue outfits. It was really nicely done. (My arms ached from carrying the parcels, though!)

Afterwards we did what we call 'chai-paani' or literally 'tea-water' where we gave everyone something to eat and to drink. That was nice and relaxed. We sat together and talked until the evening when we went to the hall to eat. This is another part of the Santak where the bride's parents invite the wedding guests to eat. The Dad took Aunt Ku's husband back to D. to pick up The Sister whilst the rest of us ate. We were there until 10pm. Ish. Went back to Aunt S'; got dressed and went to bed. I helped Aunt S get the sofa bed ready downstairs for Aunt Ku and her husband, and inflated two more beds - one for the sister, and one for (another!) cousin.

Oh my god, I was up before 4am because Aunt S and I had to go to the salon at 5am; I was getting my hair done at around 6am, and then we went back to the house and got dressed (nightmare!) We were at the wedding hall by 8.30am (laaate) and then it was just waiting around for the groom to turn up. (There was a LOT of chaos with Aunt Ka who was getting under everyone's feet. This entry fails to accurately convey the stress of having all of The Mother's sisters staying under one roof, a house which wasn't even completely finished because Aunt S was in the middle of extending the place. There was only one bathroom, only one mirror, and not enough time.)

The arrival of the groom is another great part. (Heh, his car broke down outside the hall.) The groom's family is the wedding procession, known as the jaan. Traditionally the wedding takes place at the bride's location, and the jaan comes to her. Did I mention that the old ladies do a lot of singing? Well: they do. Loudly. Nasally. Hilariously. When the groom arrives, he and the jaan are welcomed to the wedding by the whole of the bride's family (kind of like the Santak). Whilst rites are performed at the threshold of the hall (by Aunt R and the bride's sister, my cousin Hn) the two sides' aunts/old ladies sing loudly, competing with one another in a contest to ascertain who is the loudest! And this is the point at which it's pretty insane because both sides are singing different song, not everyone knows the words, and the songs become insulting, heh. There's this great one about barging in on the mother-in-law's family before they're ready to come to the wedding - hurry up, hurry up, your bride is waiting for you! lols.

So, the groom is finally allowed into the hall and taken to the mandap which is this canopy on a stage where they perform the wedding rites. He performs various pujas with the Brahman. Meanwhile, the women in the groom's family go to see the bride to give her gifts (more sari; more insulting songs, heh). The parents of the bride and groom are on stage performing more rites. Then the maternal uncle (along with all the maternal aunts) bring the bride into the hall and up to the mandap. This bit is also great because to prevent the groom from seeing the bride until the right moment, two boys hold a shawl/saal in front of him. The bride and groom are seated opposite one another and they hold hands beneath the saal until the Brahman tells the boys to drop it. My cousin brother-in-law's face was hilarious when he saw my cousin (she was wearing the most amazing sari; she looked so beautiful) and the two boys, when the saal dropped, had a tug-of-war! (Our side won, huzzah.)

Then the wedding ceremony itself went under way. To be truthful, that's the most boring part, heh. I don't really know much of what happens until the couple circle the fire/agni/aarti, which is another part that I like. There's a quaint bit at the end of that part where whoever is seated first is supposedly the head of the household. There are other games we play during the wedding, like stealing the groom's shoes and holding them ransom, or barring the car from leaving, or preventing the newlyweds from entering the house unless they pay entrance, but we didn't get to do a lot of those things. There was a bit of an upset because my cousin was trying to stick to a schedule and my maternal uncle didn't get to properly do the second of the gift-givings (the Kanyadaan) where he properly gives the bride away. So lots of feelings were hurt. I spent most of the afternoon saying hello to various family members who came to the wedding and then sitting with my aunts' purses, lols. Finally, everyone ate and we did the Vidaai, where the bride says goodbye to her family. Except it wasn't a big deal because my cousin hasn't had her civil ceremony yet so she'll still be living with her parents when she comes back from her honeymoon.

Ugh, we left the hall pretty late, went back to Aunt S', got changed again for the reception which was in this really elegant place. There was champers at the door (heh) and then we went to the hall where there was a buffet meal. I swapped tables with my Aunt Ku so that she and her husband could sit with the rest of the adults, and I spent the evening with four of my male cousins (two are young, the other two are a few years younger than me). There was food, speeches and then dancing, but we were all knackered, and people were still annoyed about the fuss at the wedding. We ended up leaving at midnight, which is practically unheard of, but then we sat up drinking at Aunt S' house anyway, heh.

Got up late, huzzah, and dressed/packed. Ended up rushing to get ready anyway because although the reception had replaced the Betak (where the family holds a final meal to say goodbye to the guests), the bride's father still held one for close family and we had to go the Aunt R's house early. Basically spent the whole day there, cooking, feeding, playing cards with my cousins (lolarious!) Thankfully we could wear casual clothes. But like I said, we were all so tired so when we finally left at around 5pm, we were so relieved. It was a pretty relaxed day all in all - my oldest cousin brother went to collect his sister (rare: the bride normally waits a week before coming home to collect her things, but she had to come early because she and her husband went to the Maldives on Monday) and then we ate and played spoons, and nearly killed one another in the process.

When we got home, my aunt, uncle and grandmother were at Baby Cousin's house. We ordered pizza, heh.

Spent Monday morning at the shop, came back to the house to find that my cousin had arrived from L'boro. He got a lift to London with my aunt and uncle, and my gran stayed behind. I watched Doctor Who and did some ironing before sorting out the beds. Again. The Mother's sister (Aunt Ku) and her husband (and son) arrived with their in-laws, so we entertained them. Aunt Ku lives in Canada so she, my uncle and my cousin J are doing the rounds, so to speak. I inflated two beds - one for J, one for me (I slept in The Sister's room) and then had to get up early again to work in the shop yesterday morning. Was at the shop until 1pm, went to the bank, picked up Baby Cousin and made crumpets for lunch (the others had fish and chips, lols). We played with Baby Cousin, then J slept whilst The Sister and I watched Enchanted with BC. In the evening I was back in the shop whilst The Dad drove Aunt Ku and family to Aunt Ka's house. I was shattered when I got back last night, and I slept in this morning - but only after instinctively waking up at 5am to discover I'd started my period. Grrrreat.

I changed the bedsheets for the second time this week, fixed the home internet by midday, went to the bank for The Dad, and have since watched the end of Enchanted and Weeds. I'm about to go downstairs and check more invoices for The Dad. Je suis completely shattered, and I still need to send out my CV and sort out a handful of other things. To summarise: busy, full-house, ker-knackered!

Will reply to emails, messages, comments &c. when I get a moment. If I get a moment. lols.