{ !!!!!! }

[delga]

OH MAN.

So, most days, if we remember, The Sister and I spend midday-1pm watching a double-bill of Whose Line Is It Anyway? Except I hate adverts so inbetween, we'll probably switch to one of the music channels. Every day, between 12-1pm, the music channel has a countdown of the most requested tracks.

GUYS. SHAYNE WARD IS SO CAMP. I don't even know who he is (The Sister said he was on X-Factor?) I get the sense that he's NEVER danced before because he's SO INTENSE and he pushes into all of the moves without giving thought as to the fluidity needed to move into the next one/pose. He LOCKS his SHOULDERS TOO FAR. The background dancers looks like they're having MASSES of FUN and it's all SHINY and these are RICH, YOUNG THINGS being PRETTY and JOYOUS. Except Shane looks like he's that CRAZY INTENSE STALKER who you NEVER want to see again because he might try to DO YOUR HAIR or RE-ARRANGE YOUR FURNITURE.

AND WHAT IS HE WEARING?

I mean, the dance shouldn't be that insane. It's your fairly average over-choreographed pop and when I watch the professionals bouncing around in the back, it looks pretty sophisticated. But I CANNOT get OVER Ward's CRAZY-ASS ARM MUSCLES which he so often presents to the screen. And, not that I was looking, but it was kind of hard not to see, his hind looks like it's in pain. Some serious muscle contraction going on there. (There's also one move in the end montage where he slides to the side and lifts-then-drops his arms. GUYS. HILARIOUS!)

And! Check out those lyrics! I'm gonna thank your mother just for giving you birth. YOU DON'T GIVE BIRTH AS A GIFT. IT'S A VERB PHRASE. And! That scene when all those people are coming forward to TOUCH HIM and STARE at him with LONGING, like maybe he's SECRETLY JESUS.

The worst part of it is that I actually quite like the song! I mean, for what it is. The melody is pop-pretty, and the video is the kind of over-produced shiny that appeals to my inner 16 year old. I can't stand the lyrics. BUT STILL. MAN.

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OH MY GOD. He ALWAYS looks that way! Like he wants to OWN your SOUL and if he can't he might have to KILL SOMEONE. Damn. Scary.

And some times he just looks like a kicked puppy. OH MY GOD.

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Today we also saw Kate whatsherface Nash who as soon as I heard her, I was all LILY ALLEN MIMIC. And then The Sister told me that they're apparently best friends? AND THEN I realised that there's something less cheeky, more indie-aspiring about her. The song is pretty good, but it's sort of Lily Allen meets The Streets in terms of lyricism and tone. Until the chorus, which is lovely. She's not as openly crass as Allen, although there's that part in the bridge about her wasted guy throwing up on her shoes, and she does have that deadpan rhythm The Streets so often display - then I'll use that voice that you find annoying and say something like / "yeah, intelligent input, darling, why don't you just have another beer then?". I've never heard her before and whilst I imagine after a while she could be quite irritating, I think Foundations is pretty good.

Surfing YouTube, I found Caroline which I can't really describe because I can't really see what she's doing. There's something Regina-esque about this but also something just plain FUCK ANNOYING. So I can't decide if she's supposed to be the Anastacia to Lily's Drusilla (which would obviously make Corinne Bailey Rae, Cinderella?) or what the hell is going on. I do think Foundations is cute, though, even if she decided to rhyme 'bit-tah' with 'fit-tah'.

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AND THEN WE SAW SOMETHING REALLY FUCKING HORRIFIC. (UM. That unfortunately leads to their site because apparently it's too horrific for YouTube. Seriously, I couldn't find it there. WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU?)

Apparently Girls Aloud are now human versions of the Powerpuff Girls except they're tied to the floor in GIANT RED BAGS. (The song is called Sexy! No, No, No... and NO, NO, NO is about right because I have NO WORDS to describe how WEIRD their get up is in this video. I can't even remember what the song is like, the whole thing is THAT DISTRESSING.)

BEWARNED. SCARY SHIT.