Yeh, one of *those* days

[delga]

Firstly, GIP.

Secondly, well....

Sometimes I get very confused about what I'm doing or what I'm thinking. It's almost as though I live my life on two very different levels: I live it actively (I am a part of what goes on around me) and I live it passively (things change and I'm not always sure if I'm the one causing what's happening).

I'm very anxious recently; mostly because I don't want to feel as fifty-fifty as I do. School - I love school, I do. I know I do. I enjoy it. But there are moments when everything becomes very, very still and then something hits me, all of a sudden and it's very poignant and it's very...distressing. But I can't help it. It's like those moments when you realise the real implication of death and everything is very intimidating all at once.

I feel like things fall apart and come together against my will. Sometimes, I want to be a physical presence in my life; other times I don't. And when those times come around, I tend to be in the opposite state. Like in exam period: I just want to be a student and my head is throwing things at me; ideas, images, emotions that I can't deal with during the exams. Now? Now I wouldn't mind the company; it's lonely in my head, if that makes any sense at all. But what's going on? I'm very grounded. I can't seem to make the ideas materialise.

And I hate it with every part of me.

The Lyon's Den was on uber-late last night but it was awful. After the amazing pace of the last three episodes, it went back to poorly scripted, poorly acted dren that bored me. It seems this show is only good at the tense stuff. I didn't watch CSI (shock!) but I did see Miami (this is the second time I've seen this episode and I don't think I've ever hated Horatio Caine more. He's obnoxious, ever-superior and he threatens to take Suzie's daughter away fom her. Jerk). Also saw Franz Ferdinand get awarded the Mercury Prize!! Woo :o) [Love for Michael].

This week's WaT was frickin' amazing. It was all CSI-Paul-Millander-y. It was awesome. Just everything about it. Well, apart from Jack Malone's over-done self-absorbtion. But yeh, wow. I was all shock-still and o-mi-god!

Tonight has become very surreal.