{ I got skin like birch bark; peel me off & lose me to the wind. }

Things that are making me cranky: many things! Twitter makes me cranky - people who tweet every 5 minutes, people who live tweet shows, people who decide to tweet 100x instead of writing an eljay post! My gran is making me cranky because she has taken to following me around the house and sitting on my bed whilst I am trying to make the most out of my 2.5 hours at home each night. This stupid train is making me cranky! Why does it take longer to get from P to C than it does from P to LONDON?? Why does it cost so much and why is the connect not cheaper?? WHY DO I HAVE TO STOP FOR 20 USELESS AND FREEZING MINUTES IN THE MIDDLE?????

Why is tumblr so lacking in netiquette? Why are my co-workers such accidental assholes? Why do people get so fucking wound up over a basic admin error? Hello, this is not a personal attack, it is human error. And you are rich to talk! You can't use a fucking apostrophe!

Despite my cut-what-thou-wilt attitude to eljay, why is it so hard to cut the people who annoy me the most but have known for a while? (Rectifying this shit as soon as I grow a pair.) Why do some people persist in making musing posts designed specifically to show off their levels of intellect? Did you notice..? Why, yes, I did notice that, I am just less of a cow than you. But, by all means, well done; your powers of observation are *stunning*. Aren't you a clever dickie?

Why do people ring up about forms they have to fill in? You get care, you have to pay for it. Your pension went up on Apr 12th like everyone else? You get reassessed, like everyone else. You resent having to pay for your care at all? Well, you can always opt out and pay for all your care without state intervention. You think it's appalling/disgusting? Great. I don't care. You are being helped with your bill. Suck up the cost or pay for it yourself. You are entitled to the same as everyone else - no more. You are not special.

GUYS I AM SO CRANKY TODAY AND IT'S ONLY 8AM. Fuck this shit.

{ Tyler Knott Gregson: I Am. }

I Am
by Tyler Knott Gregson

I am the longing. I am the unscratched surface of my potential. I am the first step waiting to be taken. I am the smirk that won't wipe off my face. I am the unquenched thirst. I am the desire. I am the patience that is wearing thin. I am the end of the rope. I am the love unspoken for. I am the fear, but I am the courage. I am the uncharted waters. I am the waiting, the waiting, the waiting. I am the glass half full. I am the unspoken understanding. I am the butterfly effect. I am the arms raised in victory, I am the hands holding my head in defeat. I am the moment of clarity. I am the double take. I am the words I scribble. I am the lips unkissed, my hands not held. I am the lyrics. I am the melody. I am the honesty, I am the loyalty. I am the wonder, the beautiful wonder. I am the late night talk. I am the sour and I am the sweet. I am the last blink before sleep. I am the first breath of the morning. I am the goosebumps, I am the sweat. I am the most romantic thing I've yet to do. I am the thoughts uncontrollable. I am the raised eyebrow. I am the teardrop tracing the contours of my face. I am the laughter, the uncensored laughter. I am the mistakes I've made, and the lessons I've learned. I am the success. I am the failure. I am the ambition, I am the apathy. I am the opposites inside me. I am the trembling anticipation. I am the love I take. I am the compassion. I am the underestimation I receive. I am the focus I always lose. I am the memories. I am the stolen breath and the skipped heartbeat. I am the worry. I am the calm. I am the smile. I am the freedom, I am the dependence. I am the broken heart. I am the misplaced trust. I am the confidence, but I am the insecurity. I am the faith. I am the logical next step. I am the places I've seen. I am the perfect guy for someone out there. I am the first hello with whoever she will be. I am the first kiss. I am the first fight. I am the shared dreams. I am the beating of my heart. I am the infinite space between today and tomorrow. I am the last straw. I am the confusion. I am the incompatibility. I am the comfortable silence. I am the wink. I am the thought in the back of my mind. I am the first star I wish on. I am the aching. I am the poetry I write. I am the uncertainty of who it is for. I am the relief, the sweet relief. I am the shadows across my face. I am the peace. I am the lack. I am the happiness I am surrounded by. I am the man I'm becoming. I am the boy I used to be. I am the whole, but I am the pieces. I am the pieces.

{ you did always say that I was going places & that you wouldn't have it any other way. }

Y'all can come out now. I'm less cranky. In about an hour my grandmother is going to come upstairs and talk at me, so I can't say it's a lasting mood, but whatever. ALL CLEAR, GUYS, ALL CLEAR.

--

Things:

one. I have unfollowed some of you from twitter. I know that people are prone to taking offence to such things, and I understand how you might, but mostly whatever it is that you are tweeting about is not what I am reading and/or what I have been skipping anyway. So I have just unfollowed and we are all still on eljay so I don't think this is such a big deal. I am sorry if you feel otherwise. Anyway, it's not like anyone is missing anything. All I tweet about is my horrendous commute.

two. DARIA IS OUT ON DVD ON MAY 11th!!!! Fuck yeah!

three. I'll be doing The Commute avec saris and accessories on Friday because there is no other way that I can get my stuff to London for the wedding. This is a distressing prospect! Here's hoping I make it out the carriage intact.

four. So, I signed up for femgenficathon and in theory I am excited about it. The ficathon is great! The prompt is fantastic! My ability to cohere sentences is still shot to hell. Cue anxiety, or something like it.

five. I put Girl With One Eye (Bayou Percussion Version) into iTunes' Genius playlist thing and it has produced a thing of aural EXCELLENCE. It is fucking amazing, holy shit. Things I will be syncing to the iPod for The Commute: the previous. Quasi-relatedly: Paolo Nutini's Sunny Side Up is an insane album.

--

Annual postcard exchange, upcoming! I don't even know if I got it off the ground last year? But anyways, there'll be a post soon enough.