Because the end wasn't all that it claimed to be

All my glass boxes are shattered; the ribbons have been burnt.

( If you won't leave... )

Do I sound like I'm saying the same things over and over again? Because that is how I feel. The song's a little melodramatic but it fits my mood so well, if only because I'm so exhausted and I now have six weeks in which I have to somehow deal with all of this; deal with what I want and what I don't want and maybe finally deal with the fact that I have to grow up. There is no alternative to this. I have to.

And it breaks my heart because I thought - I wished - that I was done with all of this. You make this so very difficult for me to handle. You complicate the uncomplicated, you tangle up the ribbons and you throw me away when I know - when I can feel - you're holding onto me with every last ounce of your strength.

Don't you respect me? Can't you make a choice for yourself and help me here? Every few weeks it's the same debacle and I'm frustrated with it. I can't do this over the summer; I won't have my support system to hand. Stop doing this to me. Because that is what is happening - you are doing this to me. In my head I know that this is all very simple and that fundamentally, the ball is in your court; that you have to decide whether or not you want me around but overall, in the big picture? I'm so confused. I'm so proud of my ability to distinguish between what is useful and what is surplus to requirements but you've just taken away all of my sense - you've taken away my ability to reason.

I know the solution to this is demand an answer from you but I've done that. So tell me - tell me straight and true, if you honour me and honour whatever it is that you're feeling - where exactly do we go from here?

"The Dream is still alive" -- Walking in the Wind

Today was the last day of the school year which is enormously frightening. Mr Luxmoore's leaving was so sad; I was almost (almost) in tears. The end of the year is always painful because although I welcome the holidays, I also mourn the year that's passed.

I'm listening to the last in a three-part series about the American Civil Rights' movement. It's beautiful. It speaks out to me because racism is so rife today that I often want to scream out and ask people "What are you doing? Why are you so cruel? We are all people."

In today's world, we are almost xenophobic and my point is that we shouldn't be. We should be a people. We should be a unit. And we shouldn't tolerate hatred against our people because an assault on them is really an assault on us.

We shall overcome

So here are my statements:

I am a lover of the people of this world

I am a lover of the homosexuals of this world

I am a lover of the women of this world

And I am not ashamed.