Because the end wasn't all that it claimed to be

[delga]

All my glass boxes are shattered; the ribbons have been burnt.

Stay
You don't have to lie about where you've been,
We both know you've been scheming,
So why don't you give your little voice a rest,
Climb on up inside my bed and just pretend you need me?

You don't have to lie about what you know,
We both know that you've been suffering
And I don't need to be the only one
And I don't need your comforting -
I just need you with me.

Stay, stay, stay with me,
Stay, stay with me,
Stay and don't you ever run away from me.

Oh and if she ever let's you down
After she has run out of your money,
Well then just crawl on back to me,
I'm the one that sets you free
And I'm the one that needs you.

And if she ever lets you go
We both know what you'll be needing
And if you need somewhere to rest,
Somewhere to lay your head,
You'll know where to find me.

Stay, stay, stay with me,
Stay, stay with me,
Stay and don't you ever run away from me, stay, stay.

And if you need somewhere to rest
Somewhere to lay your head,
You know where to find me.

Stay with me, stay with,
Stay with me, stay with,
Stay with me, stay with,
I can't live another day,
I won't live another day without you baby,
Stay with me, stay with me yeh,

Turn down the headlights,
Empty the ashtrays
Sweep out of the airway, what's left of our time
Oh you can use my body to do what you have to
But stay a little longer,
Stay with me

Do I sound like I'm saying the same things over and over again? Because that is how I feel. The song's a little melodramatic but it fits my mood so well, if only because I'm so exhausted and I now have six weeks in which I have to somehow deal with all of this; deal with what I want and what I don't want and maybe finally deal with the fact that I have to grow up. There is no alternative to this. I have to.

And it breaks my heart because I thought - I wished - that I was done with all of this. You make this so very difficult for me to handle. You complicate the uncomplicated, you tangle up the ribbons and you throw me away when I know - when I can feel - you're holding onto me with every last ounce of your strength.

Don't you respect me? Can't you make a choice for yourself and help me here? Every few weeks it's the same debacle and I'm frustrated with it. I can't do this over the summer; I won't have my support system to hand. Stop doing this to me. Because that is what is happening - you are doing this to me. In my head I know that this is all very simple and that fundamentally, the ball is in your court; that you have to decide whether or not you want me around but overall, in the big picture? I'm so confused. I'm so proud of my ability to distinguish between what is useful and what is surplus to requirements but you've just taken away all of my sense - you've taken away my ability to reason.

I know the solution to this is demand an answer from you but I've done that. So tell me - tell me straight and true, if you honour me and honour whatever it is that you're feeling - where exactly do we go from here?

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

What am I supposed to do? How Can I answer that question? Sometimes you're a friend and sometimes you're oining like in your above entry. And sometimes you're just mad at me. What do I do to please you? You wanted an answer? I like you, a lot. I made the decision and you didn't like it. So now you tell me, what am I supposed to do?