i need to eat but i also don’t want to get up to cook. take-out is not on the table (geddit?)

[delga]

there was a bereavement this week, and i’ve talked about it about as much as i can bear elsewhere but it’s casting a pall over all goings-on. the internet has brought me a lot of good things in my life; i don’t take it for granted.

pour one out on friday. i definitely will.

—

i was out all weekend, and as mentioned it’s been A Week so i haven’t made a lot of progress on my latest book. it’s an elmore leonard novel and sometimes rolls into the passive voice in a way that i’m really enjoying. it’s just taking some time.

on sunday i’m going to the first meeting of a new book club. i want to take a cake or something but it’s been so hot that i think going near an oven is a mistake. maybe cheesecake?

—

the reason it was so busy this weekend was that i spent all of it with my cousins. on saturday some of us went shopping for indian formal wear for the wedding in canada. it was damn hot, and we spent more than we were planning to, but at least that’s one less thing to worry about. i do still need to buy bangles for my outfit.

on sunday i took the train to bedford where one of my older cousins was hosting a barbecue. that was a complete riot; everyone was so chilled out and sun-blissed. i brought some veggie fritters/cutlets that went down a treat, and one of my cousins brought a hundred cakes. wins all round.

—

i’ve been walking first thing in the morning before it gets too hot to think. we really need it to cool down, but i also need it to be dry the first weekend of august. i don’t want the raft race to be a washout.

i haven’t made a costume this year. i’m considering using the sewing machines at knit night this weekend, though that does put me in a different room to everyone else.

—

it’s been A Week, and i’m exhausted already. i’ve had headaches since i heard the news, and i keep spacing out. it was a full-body shock; at one point i thought i was triggering a panic attack. i sat on the staircase at work and messaged my sister, then began the unkind process of notifying the few people in our circle who definitely hadn’t heard. i wanted to leave but i also knew that work at least would occupy me. i got nothing done but at least i wasn’t at home thinking about it in circles.

i have a philosophy that you should text people as soon as you think ‘i really need to text so-and-so’ instead of putting it off, but despite that on this occasion i didn’t do that, and now i can’t anymore. it’s a whole thing. i know i wasn’t the only one, but it’s sitting on me a bit.

Comments

[eleigh]

I wish I could tell you that the regrets of putting off a phone call or a text will go away. In my experience it just gets easier to deal with the regrets, but you’ll probably always wish you’d done this or that thing. I’m very sorry for you and all her friends and family. It sucks.

[delga]

i think there's always going to be unfinished business and that's just how it goes, especially when it happens so left-field. i'll be waiting on our skype call for a long time.