{ this post is an assload of crankypants. }

[delga]

The real question is: despite having bought a train ticket to Bournemouth already, will I actually go? Yes. Yes, I will, because my social idiocy aside, I have paid for the fucking ticket.

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Am currently massively over budget because I'm waiting for my cousins to pay me back for the London trip (probably won't happen until said trip, and even then I will be short some because The Sister can't pay me yet, and in an effort to just get my cousin's kid to show up I may or may not have waived her fee, and I still somehow have an extra ticket, jeez); I am going to Bournemouth tomorrow, and T is coming local on Wednesday; I bought tickets to see a play on my birthday. I can now not spend money at all ever. Or, at least, it feels that way.

The play I am going to see is called The Prisoner of Second Avenue and stars Jeff Goldblum, huzz. I have ace seats, again, which is always excellent. Also, an extra ticket if anyone wants it, as I am friendless.

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I am pretty irritable right now. [redacted] Blah, blah, I do not play well with others, blah. I am finding negotiating some friendships particularly difficult of late. Like, sometimes you have friends who are particularly sensitive to certain implications/turns of phrase/tones of voice but you have to constantly guess as to whether or not what you just said upset them unintentionally, or they are just in a bad mood. I am judging this stuff poorly of late, and trying to negotiate it is fairly exhausting because it takes constant effort. e.g. did something I just say upset you or are you not replying to me because you're doing something else right now? That seems like a lot of paranoia, but when it's someone who will blank you on the slightest perceived slight (heh) then it gets complex. I'm not against making that effort, but I'm not going to lie about being a bit fed up of it at the moment.

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Need to do something about my hair. And I am still at war with my skin. I talk about it less now because I am managing it, but some days (see: today) it flares up and everything hurts.

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Tried to watch Saving Grace last night and had to give up on it early because I don't have the emotional span for it. Ditto Valhalla Rising. Ugh, self, find something you like already!

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Am thinking about turning my phone off for the day, but I have an hour-long bus drive so that's a no.

Comments

[eleigh.livejournal.com]

I'm glad I'm not the only one over budget. Misery loves company.

[delgaserasca.livejournal.com]

Admittedly, I don't have to worry about house bills and I'm also over-budget in the most middle class way ever, but: yes, I thought you might sympathise, heh.

[eleigh.livejournal.com]

Yeah I'm over budget in the sense that I'm trying not to exceed my income each month so that I can actually save money but I have enough money saved that I'm not, like, one bill away from being on the street. It's just frustrating when you're trying to save money and things keep popping up preventing you from doing that. But it could be worse.

[asemic.livejournal.com]

you have to constantly guess as to whether or not what you just said upset them unintentionally...

SERIOUSLY. It's a constant guessing game with some of my friends. I'm the type to believe that if someone is angry or emotionally off for some reason, it is my fault. The amount of emotional labor necessary to keep things even is so tedious.

[delgaserasca.livejournal.com]

The amount of emotional labor necessary to keep things even is so tedious.
It is honestly exhausting. The constant vigilance! And then you say something so nonchalantly, and it blows up, and it's another thing you have to deal with in the day. Sometimes I resent it.

[delgaserasca.livejournal.com]

I'm not saying it isn't worth the effort, just that sometimes it can be tiring. But, I think you know what I mean. I hope so, anyway.

Girl, now that you are fen local, we should meet up some time. Grab some grub or something x

[belantana.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry you've been feeling not great recently *hugs* I think I've said this before, but I marvel that someone can manage a commute like yours and still function as a human being, let alone have enough energy to deal with society, fandom etc. I MARVEL. Don't be too hard on yourself.

I would totally love to come along to the play, by the way. Just let me figure out a plot to get to London...

[noorie.livejournal.com]

hi!!! finally logged in to lj after a couple of months(?). have missed you bb. i've been writing you, the letter is almost 10 pages long now. mostly written at the hospital, so probably not the most fun letter ever. a few more pages to go and then i'll send it over, i want to finish on an optimistic note. anyhow, how u doin'?

[delgaserasca.livejournal.com]

Sounds like you have a lot of stuff going on - I hope things are well, or improving. Look forward to hearing from you, either way. I see you decided what to do about your eljay; am pleased we talk in other places. *hugs*

I'm okay, just trying to survive my commute. Keeping busy!