{ let me see you set fire to the sky. }

[delga]

So, just like always, this is proving to be dumb and difficult. For once I don't actually know what the hell it is that I'm writing about and that's half the problem. I've defined the question but I still don't really know how I'm going to write this mofo. I wanted to do half today but that's not going to happen so now I'm aiming for one quarter. Slim chances if only because I've started twice now and stopped both times.

I went to the library earlier and made a super detailed plan which will be useful once I've decided what the fuck to write on Terry Eagleton. Most of all, I just don't care. I'm bored. I'd rather catch up on the fandom I've missed this week.

I was talking to twincy about this almost a month a go (and wliberation, yesterday) and I was saying: I love my course. It's interesting, my classes are actually really good to go to. But I fucking hate these assessments. Mostly because they find me fraudulent as a student, heh. I never really know what I'm doing which is mostly my own fault but if you asked me to talk about this stuff, I could. It wouldn't be entirely coherent (I start to talk in circles after a while), but it would make sense. I thought maybe I'd talk about it with my housemate and make notes as I go along because that helps but formal writing is kicking my ass, and also: I don't know what I'm writing. This is actually making me giggle a lot. I'm going to mark that down as hysteria. But it's ridiculous to the sort of degree that makes natural comedy.

Maybe I should try freewriting it? This is why the whole postgrad thing is so fucking scary because, seriously, if my Bachelor's is killing me, I'm never going to make it. I don't even know if I can make it through this year, forget next year and the one after that. It's not even that I'm having panic attacks - I think sorting out my sleeping patterns have severely cut down on how often that happens these days - I just. Don't care.

Also, my family - crazy extended portion included - are in Colchester having a good time. :( I miss them and wish I was there instead of sitting here staring at my notepad full of scribbles. (UGH. I have to write this and then type it up, too. I need to learn to type essays straight into a word document.)

--

I did start watching Bones when I got back from the library. Something random has happened: I have a girlcrush on Cam. I KNOW, WTF. Zack is still wonderful. And that's all I have to say until I see the end of the episode.

--

AIE! I need to update duck_cheer. !!!

Comments

[noorie.livejournal.com]

oh the sympathy. i am going to shut down the laptop and go to work and not thing of my own abandoned-ish postgrad thingie on the way. instead i will think dirty snape thoughts :)