Debate Camp

[delga]

Andi's having twins. This I knew already but I'm so out of my mind with happiness for this fictional woman that I'm squeeing all over the place. I know everyone knows how much I love Aaron Sorkin and Allison Janney and Richard Schiff (oh god, especially Richard Schiff. Recently I've just been buzzing this man and his ridiculously appropriate facial hair and age. Just...yes) and everybody else but this is my fanland right now. There is nothing else that is even close to being fannish for me. SVU hasn't been on in weeks and I think I'm suffering some form of psudo-withdrawal which is sad on so many levels but let's get back to the fact that Toby wants to marry Andi and she keeps saying no and there will be twins [and even though I know what the twins will be and what their names are and how many people have cried with joy over the CJToby of this episode which hasn't really been shattered, not in the heart of their fiction, I keep going back and reading this one brilliant fic which I think is by Teanna and I also think it's called 'leaving fingerprints' - I'll find a link, I swear - and letters and orthography and lexicography and Samuel Johnson and maybe it wasn't 'leaving fingerprints' I was thinking of but there are so many other things that I may just spontaneously combust]. I love the flashback episodes. I love the hair, the way the world is sepia on the periphery and how people, even then, were beautiful minds and voices.

This week has been harrowing in a very different way to normal. I mean, it's the holidays now but I still have so much to do and for once this isn't what preoccupies me. It really, truly isn't. This week I've been thinking about babies (no, before you ask, I'm not getting all broody. Shutup) and fragility and the awesome nature of women and mothers and the bonds between childrena nd their parents. I know this bit is going to be a bit sappy for some of you out there but please, persevere with my line of thought because it's been an awful week for one family that I know and we should really rememeber where we come from.

We all know that we die and we all know that we are born but we just don't put the two together. We don't do it. it's a taboo notion; it's a painful notion. A baby passed away and you mourn that life regardless of who the baby is or whether or not you know the family because a baby is potential. It's supposed to be the start of the road, not the end.

This week, people have had other life problems. People have had fallings out, get-back-togethers, burglaries, cheatings, scandals of every form and in this world, people are mourning the loss of opportunity and beautiful potential.

I had a dream about a baby. (It may help to clarify that I often dream about people that I've never met and scenarios that I've never witnesses; I'm some surreal sort of omniscient being in my dreams, the perpetual third person. And for your information, yes, I am taking my pills, thank you very much). And the baby was small and the baby was loved. The baby was much anticipated. The baby was given multiple names before its birth.

And then the baby died and there was grief and no more babies could be had because of pregnancy complications (which I don't fully understand - hey, give me a break. the extent of my medical knowledge is the stuff I picked up in the last three despicable years of ER) and suddenly, tehre was more than grief. There was just a complete loss of future. It was horrible.

I don't really know why I had to share that. It seems kind of pointless now.

In other news, Sports Night is still gorgeous in its minature-TWW form and I have two weeks of holiday which is pretty cool. I'm hoping to do some work between episodes of the first season of TWW which I adore beyond compare.

I need to focus. Like, really need to focus. But I can't. Apathy is a bitch but god, what can I do? I mean, hello? -I'm apathetic. I don't care.