{ BATMAN! No, actually, Spooks}

[delga]

Spooks! YAY! Oh My GOD. No, really. Spoilers behind the cut. Especially for raynedanser who wanted details. This migh tbe TMI, not enough context, though.

We start off at Danny’s funeral, which, btw, is very, very sad. Fiona doesn’t go in because she is of the traumatised. I wish I could take the scene with her and Adam in the car more seriously but in the past year, I’d forgotten how little chemistry Sosnovska and Penry-Jones have. I really want this scene to, you know, mean something but alas it does not. Instead, this teaser is the longest thing I’ve ever watched and is slow. Even the intercut shots of This Week’s Terrorists are not interesting. This episode doesn’t actually get underway until after the credits. But we’ll get there in a moment.

The priest (?) says something about Danny’s short life and all his colleagues at the Department of Food? The what? Harry has this fantastic look on his face; you can hear that facial expression going, oh bloody— they couldn’t come up with something better? The Lord is my Shepherd. Oh dear. Bomb! Suddenly, all the guys’ pagers go off. Yeh, like that’s not conspicuous. They leave. There is much talking outside of the faffy nature. Ruth is still indoors. Harry goes back and is all, “I NEED YOU.” I don’t really care what else happens (Ruth is actually grieving which is very sad; she wants time to grieve but Harry’s overpowering love steers her away). See, hestia8? See what a shipper you have made me?

OMG. Shiny new credits! Yay! Everything is still swooshy. I’m still so psyched about this episode even though the teaser was so slow. [Um, I feel I should apologise at this point because a lot of this is just me going, ‘oh shit’. This is not going to be a weekly occurrence, either. I just happened to be trying to write stuff whilst Spooks was on and thus had pen and paper to hand. A lot of this just WON’T make sense].

I love fitzy Ruth. She looks a bit pissed. Ooh, Spooks music! And the swishy doors! This is all very dramatic. I do like that shot of the three of them stepping out of the swishy doors.

The Americans are going to love this /sarcasm. Oh, I saw this bit in the teaser. Where is Fiona? Oh, wait, yes. Tragedy, trauma. I almost forgot. Btw, that wasn’t actually a go at her; for once I actually just forgot where she was. I love Harry. You kick dem ass! Awkward silences, yay! Um, Humans need culling, the hell?

Ruth is the brawn-beating brain! Yay!

Shit. It’s that woman from the show with the lesbians. It must be a Spooks recruiting ground, Keeley Hawes was in it too. What the bloody hell was it called? Tipping the velvet. Anna Chancellor? Love this woman, love the tension. I miss Tessa, though. Tessa was more classy, I think. Is the office space/set bigger this year? Hmm.

Who is this guy driving Ruth about? Why is he so prominent today? He was at Danny’s funeral, too.

Oh god. “Schpeshul”. Chuang is a daft name for a cat. I like Ruth’s skirt. Ha, Fidget! Excellent name for a cat! Heh, Ruth-less? Not quite.

Please don’t kill me? Who is this guy? He obviously doesn’t know bollocks. Poor sap seems a little petrified. Well, wouldn’t you if Batman & Robin Adam and Zaf turned up and started randomly yelling at you? Cheating bastard! Deserves what he gets. Dauphine? Oh please. I love ridiculing absurd dialogue.

SHIT. Well, he’s definitely not going to be use anymore. Lots of blood flying around for a head injury with a closed wound, innit?

Heh, I love how Adam’s walking around without a care. Bloody down his shirt, still the man. I still love Harry: “I understand the bloody problem!”

Oh. Who’s that? I know him from somewhere. Haha, Jamie Oliver. Oh great. Lots of new faces, why? Who else buggered off? Other than poor Sam, that is. Your rhetoric bores me New Bloke.

Oh dear. Americans and a coffee joke. Bad move.

Martine McCutcheon! I forgot she was in this. Wtf? “Don’t you wish you had a gun?!” HA RIPPED by the Bolivian fakers! I already despise her voice, which is a shame because she’s quite funny. This does not bode well.

Oh shit. Bomb! That woman must be Dauphine, then.

Oh shit. Ruth! Random Stranger heading your way! That’s what you get for following Adam’s instructions, Random Car Driver, and eating on the job. Hee, mobile phones are useful, eh? CONTINUITY! Love. Ruth. GET AWAY FROM THE WINDOW!!! I guess he doesn’t want to be culled. Shit. The newbie is dead. Wrong keys, heh. I like that Ruth has action stuff to do. As much as I love her skirt, it’s damned inconvenient. No signal, ha! Liar. Ha! Running away in the background! Why not just dress up as shrubs? That’s what they did in Last of the Summer Wine this weekend.

Ooh, 25 mins until the bomb booms. I feel like I’m watching a slow version of 24. Except, I guess it’s a super-fast version.

Dude, Cheating Bloke’s Wife. Where do I know her from? Please don’t tell me Chancellor’s Harry’s ex. This is a really weird interview. She left the receipts in a random drawer, the hell?

Ah, French woman. Hee, Lapin, rabbit. Well done!

Oh god. They’re in a FIELD. “Is that something Greek?” Oh, Ruth, as if you don’t recognise Homer! Ooh, an Oxfordite. Oh, I’m such an ubergeek. Achilles – knew that! Love Ruth. LOVE KICK ASS RUTH. Chuang Tzu is still a stupid name for a cat. Seriously.

Ooh, text message of dooom. You are so dead, Frenchie. Oh, wait. ‘Tis The Dynamic Duo (Adam&Zaf). I really like Zaf but his ‘do I look like a torturer’ line pissed me off because it was so bloody daft. So, so dead, Frenchie. Oh, Dauphine. Always running from the light. (Only geeks will get that one, too).

Martine McCutcheon could be a bloody kidnapper, idiot boy! Oh shit, absolute chaos. Kudos to TPTB because this storyline is actually not only well executed but damn scary to boot. This is so sad. Oh, thank god! Saved!

Ruth was at Corpus Christi? Of course she was. I shouldn’t be surprised. Heh, wont’ take that as a compliment. Oh fuck off you sod. Ruth has fighting spirit. Just because she outwitted you, you pompous ass.

Oh god, communism. Why did they have to be in the middle of the Reds? Oh, they were an item, just not how I thought they were. One man and his dog? What the hell is this dialogue? Oh, she wants Tessa’s old job? Ooh, blackmail. See, bedfellows share bedsecrets. Don’t forget that! What a cow. I really quite like her.

Wesley is… oh god, we’re talking swan love and love metaphors. That was really badly done/ Oh crap, now I want to write Fiona Carter/Wesley/unresolved parenting issues fic. Oh bloody hell.

Why is your face so dirty Female Terrorist? We do have water in England. Oh god, that’s scary.

Enter Martine McCutcheon. B&E? Surely not, Batman Carter. Zaf, you’re so in trouble. Of course you need Batman to hold your hand; you’re Robin. Oh, flash git. Party? Oh, this is too embarrassing. Shut up, Martine McCutcheon’s friend.

Zaf obviously does need hand holding. He has no back up, nothing. This seems like a really daft move.

Hee, maybe three? Stop flirting, you married bastard. Stop talking, Martine McCutcheon. Please, dear god, stop talking.

Oh, he’s inside now, is he?

Oh shit. So screwed. He must live, though, because this is only his first episode. Well, almost. Another death would just be harsh. Shut up Martine! Bloody hellfire, woman!

Car is not that flash, Zaf. Tis not exactly the batmobile. SHUT UP MARTINE. Carter, you should totally lock her in the Zafmobile. Shit, they’ve got Zaf! When did that happen? Wtf? That’s obviously not Adam, Mr Terrorist. Aside from the ethnicity, he’s very obviously the Robin in this scenario (how far do you think I can push this comparison? You watch). Oh, bloody hell; that tracker is beeping far too loudly. Poor Zaf! Poor Adam! I sense déjà vu, which I guess is the writers’ point because Adam starts muttering to himself. It’s happening again.

SHUT UP, MARTINE McCUTCHEON!

Oh, that’s a fantastic idea, Adam, take the loud-mouthed bird with you. Adam, no! ZAF!

OMG, the previews don’t contain ZAF.

This interactive thing is weird. No, I don’t want to be MI-5. Harry will give me personal feedback, why? Not good enough? My answers aren’t good enough? The buttons aren’t working on the remote control; of course my answers aren’t good enough. I got that question right, bloody hell!

I did a meme earlier but it deleted itself so I'll do it again tomorrow. It's a geek thing but I beg you to do it, too.