Fiction, Deceit and Lyrical Perfection

[delga]

Was talking online to a friend the other night (she will be referred to as ‘The Fairy’ in order to mildly preserve her identity although from that alone most of you will be able to guess who she is) and we (I) came onto the topic of emotions and literature. And then came the work for this post. It’s all behind the cut, folks

 

[Btw, it’s been edited hugely, if only because there were some points where the interaction just dissolved into ‘Hee’ ‘Hee!’ Also, I’m D and The Fairy is F and I think I should point out that I’ve kept a lot of the rest of the conversation in because then you can probably get a grip on what mental states we approached this from. Ahem. Thanks.]

 

 

F:       Hey, guess what I did today.

 

D:       ?

 

 

F:       I got a load of felt tips and wrote all my favourite words on my blind so when I put it down they are all there.

 

D:       :) Wait. What did your parents say?

 

F:       They didn't mind. You can't see it during the day and it's an old blind anyway. They wouldn't let me stencil T. S. Eliot to the wall so it was a compromise.

 

D:       Well, why would you? It’s like one of the newest ones you’ve read.

 

F:       Because I want that one and Sonnet 116 and 'Remember' and 'How do I love thee' as well. :) Not just that one. But it was a definite 'no'.

 

{Cut out}

 

F:       So, what are you up to?

 

D:       Stuffs. You?

 

F:       :) Yeah, stuff. Found some really pretty ribbon that would be good for your hypothetical boxes:) [Re: some earlier post of mine. I know it’s up there somewhere -- D]

{Cut out}

[And finally, we get to the relevant part -- D]
 
D:       Have you ever read something so utterly untrue and so gorgeously fictional that you just...fell into it? Like completely. And I don't mean fairies or magic; I mean something plausible that is utterly implausible in the way that it wouldn't happen to your average Joe? Because sometimes, I'm reading and I'm there (I don't mean when you read as a form of escapism; it’s not real) and it's like I can see it and mostly - no, not see it. I can feel it. Every part of it. And it's suffocating? No, overwhelming is a better word. Do you know what I mean?

 

F:       I know exactly what you mean. You are in the book and even when you've stopped reading it you're still there and you can't quite get out of it, even though it's so different from real life that it should just slide off your back. Yes, I've been there :) [For the record, I agreed with the first half of this; it was the ‘even though…back’ part that made me need to elaborate my point – D.] Why, what are you reading?

 

D:       No, that's not what I meant- I mean, it's perpetual, ticking away in the back of your mind, something that isn’t real at all and you know that: you're wholly conscious of its not-real-ness. I'm trying to explain… it's not unconscious. You know where you are but you feel just a little more... heavy? I suppose that's the best way of phrasing it.

 

F:       :) Yes I do understand you. Really- I just can't elaborate because you're doing quite well yourself. Yeah, you're heavy and you can't pull away completely. [I agreed with this; I really should have let it go at this point – D.]

 

D:       Let me give an example - I can't do it properly because, so far, I'm only half connecting with what I'm reading - but anyway, this fiction I'm reading has all these actions occurring but what it really focuses on is one viewpoint. And this viewpoint is skewed; you know it is because you know what the other viewpoint is. But you feel... like you should cry and pity the protagonist. [I realise now that I didn’t mean ‘pity’. Also, it wasn’t so much that I wasn’t connecting with the ficlet but that I was wholly detached from it because I knew it was a ficlet. It’s not the same as reading a novel. Links to the fic are at the end of the post – D.] [Oh, also, the 'viewpoint' isn't skewed; it's something of an AU].

 

F:       Yes. I know:) It's real.

 

D:       No, not real… I know that you know [what I’m on about] but I feel like you’re not understanding the basic element of what I’m trying to express.

 

F:       Ok, well help me out here. [Sorry Fairy! I know that I was probably frustrating you by this time! – D]

 

D:       I know that you understand me. [I know that she gets the gist of my ‘argument’ – D]

 

F:       I understand you but it's incredibly hard to find words that match what I mean, even harder to find them to match what you mean.

 

D:       I know. Ok, it's not that it feels real; it's not that it even is real (because it isn’t). The main point is that you [the reader] know it's fiction. Ok, I know what I need to say. You know that it’s fiction and that idea conflicts with two other ideas: your idea of what is real and your idea of what you want to be real. That conflict is an indescribable emotion and that’s what I feel like when I read sometimes.

 

F:       :) Alias Grace – the actions kind-of happened as the narrative was based on a real person, but it’s a novel, not an autobiography. It's not real and yet whilst I was reading it, it was [real] to me. It gets to a part and I think no, it's too cruel, you can't do that. Also I think, look, I know that's wrong, why don't you just admit it already? Like you know the person [narrator/protagonist], at the same time knowing that you don't because it didn't happen and you're not there but you want to be. You want to help and [you] feel slightly guilty knowing that you can't; like you've failed the protagonist by witnessing their downfalls and not stopping them. But all the time, you know it’s just fiction. [I think that may have made more sense if I had left it in it’s original form – one long, rambling sentence. Then, at least, you would have understood her passion. Also, again, I agreed with most of what she said but it was her foundation and her conclusion (‘it was [real] to me’; ‘You feel like…stopping them’) that didn’t fit with my faux-argument – D].

 

D:       Yeah, only I don't feel it's real. You see, it’s the detachment that causes the conflict - if I felt it was real (real to me) then there wouldn’t be a problem. But there are 3 conflicts and that’s why there’s confusion. [I meant to say that’s why I feel so overwhelmed but The Fairy understood. I think. – D]

 

{Cut out}

 

D:       Ok, I’ll quit with my melodrama now.

 

F:       For once I like your melodrama ;)

 

D:       Heh.

 

F:       Yeah, I understand what you’re saying [Amazing, really, because I wasn’t saying a whole lot – D]; no, I can't prove it because [they’re] just out of reach of descriptions.

 

D:       [They are] right now but the stupidest thing is that I can say what I mean.

 

F:       No, that's not stupid. I wish I could do that. What I write and what I mean aren't [always] the same thing.

 

D:       I also think that we differ ever so slightly in our perceptions [I meant ‘our appreciation’ – D] of what I mean – i.e. you know what I mean but you don’t actually agree with me 100%. (Re: What I…thing). Yeah, I know.

 

F:       :) Will sort that out sometime [We’re a little out of sync here because we look at our fingers whilst typing, as opposed to, you know, the screen where the words appear (!) – D]

 

D:       (Re: What I…thing). Because the 2 don’t always correlate. Wait, sort what out? [I.e. ‘meaning vs. writing’ or something else that I can’t remember. But at the time, the comment made sense – D].

 

F:       (Re: Because…correlate) :) Yeah.
 
{Cut out}

 

F:       The writing, not what I mean.

 

D:       I don’t think that you can. I do it all the time; it’s difficult to extract the right thoughts. If there are right thoughts.

 

F:       I don't lie - I just get the wrong word.

 

D:       Yeah, exactly like I did earlier with all the ellipses.

 

{Cut out}

 

D:       See, like this: "If she is the enemy, he thinks, she still knows him better than any of his friends." That means nothing to you but it's killing me because in context, it's very pure and very frustrated…and dammit, now I’m frustrated too!

 

F:       Lol.

 

D:       :)

 

F:       What are you reading?

 

D:       A ficlet. [It’s actually what the author terms an ‘epic’ – D]

 

F:       Oh.

 

D:       :) I'm only being vague because this time I know you won't get it (!) [Fairy is not one for Alias or fan fiction… and now I realise that any earlier attempt at subterfuge has just become worthless – D].

 

F:       No, no that's ok.

 

D:       <<Strange sideways blurry smiley>>

 

F:       Argh. What was that?

 

D:       ? Oh. Lol. I don’t know - just...complicated. I’m going to put some of my favourite new songs on a disk and I’m going to give it to you or make a copy or something and you can hear this song [‘Supergirl’, by Idon’thaveaclue – D] and totally not connect to it. But I’ll feel better because then I won’t have been the only one to have heard it.

 

F:       Ok. You know, that pretty much sums up what we do most of the time: one of us will say, 'Well I've read/heard/watched/seen something that has had some effect on me and it probably won't on you but I'm giving it to you just in case. You can connect if you want and if not then just humour me' and the other one's like, 'Yeah, sure'. Sometimes they understand and sometimes they try but fail miserably. :)

 

As a final note on the above, the conversation did, at some point, have some reference to my falling in love with the song ‘Super girl’ – I don’t know the artist – and then later saying that the emotions within a text probably wouldn’t hit so hard if I wasn’t listening to music too. I think my words were along the lines of, ‘The music doesn’t exactly help either’. Anyway, I was saying that the song, for some reason, had affected me, when normally its opening line (‘You can tell by the way she walks that she’s my girl’) would have annoyed me with its use of the possessive. I then started (well, actually, continued) reading Lara’s ‘Vera’ and that’s how I got onto the subject of the effects of fiction.

By the way, if you’re a fan of Alias and fanfic, I recommend her writing. She’s so lyrically perfect in her work – there’s real passion and understanding in what she’s written. ‘Vera’ surprised me because she’s [Lara, that is] mostly S/V and this one didn’t seem to fit the mould. It doesn’t. It’s still beautiful. I’ve quoted it somewhere in the above rambling. You must read it, if only to appreciate the quality of Lara’s work.

OK, HoCaine repeat tomorrow (which I’m compulsively adhering to due to something I mentioned in the post marked ‘Nooooooooo!’) and Vegas repeat too. Elf Boy Show (hee! – The Lyon’s Den, if you hadn’t already guessed) is on at a later time. Did I mention that The Shield is deeply, deeply disturbing? Seriously, I think my psyche just got it’s second face-to-face with reality ever. *Shudder*. 

 

[ETA: Does anyone agree with our 'diatribe'? Disagree? Have any thoughts? We'd like to know is all.]