{ yuletide reveal. }

[delga]

Okay! So. As last time, I wrote more for Yuletide than I did the whole year previous, but this time it was all in one fic. This year I wrote Another Foolish Gesture (NCIS: Los Angeles) for jenab who was gracious enough to read what I'd written and not be (publicly) confused as hell. Title from Richard Jackson's Antigone Today which -- UGH READ IT. So excellent. All the way through writing this, I couldn't get it out of my head.

Now: my author's notes, which are about as long as the fic itself, and in which I justify why I wrote what I wrote in the way that I wrote it.

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Author's notes: non-linear fic, hurrah! I can only hope that you can make sense of what happens. Jeez, how hard is it to get Macy to shut up and kiss Callen already?! I was like, girl, I know you like him (in this fic!) because I am writing it so stop playing hard to get and be NICE. But that didn't work so well and then I tried to put them in an elevator what the hell. (Note how that didn't happen? Yeah.)

It turns out there are four months between Callen getting shot and him returning (prematurely) to duty, and some time in that Macy got shoved the short end of an already poor deal. From what Hetty says to Vance, it was a punishment of sorts though it can't have been because of Callen getting shot, surely? And there's no way this reads like a promotion. Macy got exiled! Things I never really understood include how Callen and Hetty know each other operationally if he only came back in 1x01 and Macy had been in charge when he got shot. So at some point he's met Hetty before and/or she went to see him at the hospital. Fandom's consensus seems to be that Hetty was ops manager off-screen during Legend and Macy had only been Agent in Charge. That makes sense, but I've never read it that way because when Hetty is talking to Vance in 1x08/Ambush she indicates that Macy was her predecessor. So I ran with the idea that Vance brought in Hetty at short notice because he's had dealings with her before and because she's run ops in previous jobs, and that on some of those ops she's met Macy and probably other team members. It's Wikipedia that suggests Macy is Agent in Charge and not Ops Management, but Wikipedia also says that her first name is Clara, so I'm happy to ignore that. There's no reason why she can't be AIC and Ops Management concurrently. The role gets split at the end of the fic so that Callen is AIC and Hetty is OM. This makes sense to me because I doubt Hetty's ever been in the field in anything other than a supervisory role. Also, when Jethro talks to Vance about Macy, the dialogue indicates that she's in charge. So that's what I went with in this fic.

If Macy was a MP 19 years ago, then some time between then and Legend a couple of things happened: Gibbs saved Callen's life twice; Macy joined OSP as Operations Manager; Callen joined OSP; Gibbs worked with Callen and Macy. I have therefore fudged a lot of the dates. This is because NCIS timelines are damn complicated and somewhere between Mike Franks leaving Gibbs to run the show and Ice Queen (on JAG) Jethro spent time in Russia; worked with OSP; spent time in France with Jenny and Ducky. Which is feasible. I'm not sure that Macy went straight from being an MP to being with OSP because that doesn't make any sort of sense, but she had to have been with OSP long enough to have worked a case with Callen and Jethro. So that's why that's how that is.

Also I decided that Macy was probably a little OCD about everything. She's the kind of person who is great at being in charge because she can see the bigger picture but a bit crap at making split-second decisions because she can't ever get right into the moment. So I figure that's what Callen was for. I think head!Nate is sort of right in that Macy likes to be in control of things and that because Djibouti is a stab to the heart of Macy's autonomy, she makes lists. That's basically what that's about. Macy writes lists to keep order and to maintain control. But I like this idea that she has lists for everything. I imagine she has lists like, why two cokes and a swizzle stick do not A Breakfast make, and why Lara Macy should never ever wear a miniskirt, and so on. Frivolous lists. Macy lists for why the world is the way that it is.

(Head!Nate came about when I re-watched Legend in prep for writing this fic. The two of them have a strange relationship where she is clearly his superior but he constantly levels with her. I think head!Nate is the part of Macy which keeps her on the straight, and it makes sense to me that if he was always doing that for her in real life, then she would carry his admonishments with her wherever she went. I really like this idea that after a while she can't help but start to analyse every personality in front of her because she uses Nate's insights to get a handle on people and it sort of sticks.)

I'm sorry there isn't really a happy ending. Callen lives; he calls Macy to let her know that. And that's supposed to be this act of commitment, sort of, I don't know. I mean: he makes contact with her because she matters and because he didn't expect to wake up in a world where she wasn't riding his ass over every stupid decision he's ever made, and apparently he kind of misses that? So it's quasi-happy because he does reach out to her and she is grateful. But mostly it's not such a happy ending because TPTB kind of fucked Macy over good and proper and I haven't fixed that because this is supposed to slot into canon. I like the idea that Hetty and Macy know each other, and that if there's anyone Macy's willing to leave her people with, it's Hetty Lange. I think they'd be a powerhorse of a team.

Finally: the epigraph is from a poem that is so completely Macy that I couldn't believe I hadn't picked it for her before. You should read it because it's also completely beautiful. Also, this is set some time during 1x01 and then I like to think that sometimes Callen calls her to see how she is and to kind of update and let her know that her team is still all okay and it is always Callen who calls and never Macy because she doesn't really get why he's calling or why they should still be in contact? But she's grateful.

(Initially I wasn't entirely behind the pairing I was actually writing because to my mind, Callen is probably this HUGE pain in the ass for Macy, and I did write that in. But then I warmed to this idea that they sort of like each other without really knowing why, other than: opposites attract. They both get a thrill from their job, and they're both better at their jobs when they're working with each other. Ergo, they like each other because they complement one another. I think that between the post-bomb scramble in Macy's office and Callen's shooting in Legend there was probably a lot more intimacy, but a lot less kissing. Like maybe Callen was trying to make something of the relationship – bringing coffee, cracking bad jokes, helping Macy with the paperwork – but restraint on both sides as they try to figure each other out. Or maybe they had wild sex between the two occasions, I don't know. I don't think so – I think they're still too tentative on the phone at the end. Make up your own fanon, I guess. But I think they cared about each other in a bewildering way; in the way that not-strangers, not-lovers can care about each other. I think one day Callen will meet her in the desert and they'll resolve some of that pent up sexual tension. I think it will be aggressive. But I don't think I'll be the one to write it. Or maybe I will. I AM CONTRARY.)

And that's basically it. I hope, jenab, that it works for you/you can get something from it. I remember you vaguely from Numb3rs fandom, and I think this will be what you wanted but I can't be certain of anything, really. Happy New Year!

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I would also like to thank lunasky and chase_acow who wrote the two fics I received this year. You both did an amazing job with my godawful, horrible prompts, and I was so delighted to get these stories. I read them on my phone on Christmas day as we were driving towards family. A perfect start to what was eventually a lovely day. Thank you!